Patio Lanterns

PATIO DATE DELAYED

While waiting to iron out the remaining wrinkles to successfully launch PATIO DATE, Ryan investigates competitor apps. Has the algorithm predetermined our fates? A TikTok rant. Sna…

Happy Patioween!

[0:00] Patio Date founder Ryan Rancier joins us to address some rumors making the rounds and updates us on the upcoming launch of the new app. Should sports commentating go the way o…

Two lone cowboys, Kurt and Ryan, host a popular podcast called "Patio Lanterns." Tired of their daily routines, they embarked on an adventure to find a place of peace and tranquility. Somewhere rural…

Our longest episode ever.

Ryan travels to a small island where the goats outnumber the people. We discuss recent news such as the Mike Babcock resignation in Columbus and the Alien news out of Mexico…

Patio Lanterns High: Part IV

It's prom night and the school courtyard is transformed into a prom wonderland, adorned with twinkling lights and decorations. Kurt (fresh out of juvenile detention) and …

Patio Lanterns High: The Halloween Special coming soon...

"Patio Lanterns High" is a thrilling supernatural high school drama that delves into the mysteries of a cursed town, testing the bonds of fri…

5 YEARS IN THE MAKING

Originally intended to be released in 2018, the (first) "lost" episode became a significant talking point over the years. It has evolved. And it's finally here. Enjoy.

Eddie Spa…

Patio Lanterns High: Part III

- What happened to Threads?

- X Gon' Give It To Ya

- Jason Aldean cancelled

- Randy and Caveman hit up the silent disco

- A tip to stay cool and stretch out your pants

-…

This time on PATIO LANTERNS HIGH...

- Ryan forces Kurt to watch all the Mission: Impossible movies

- Kurt is KO'd by bacon and eggs

- Butter + bread + olive oil + barley + water type businesses

- Lin…

We invite superfans Christina, Alix, and Sascha onto the podcast to discuss our current and past lives.

Just who is the Yellow-Vested Woman?

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Kurt is back from Asia and Europe

- Oiled up babies wrestling bulls

- Turkish baths & slaps

- Ryan's extravagant baths

- Old people smell

- Beautiful Parisians

- We saw Fast X

[0:00] We discuss Kurt'…

LOYAL TO THE OIL

Kurt gets oiled up in anticipation of Game 5 of the Edmonton Oilers vs Los Angeles Kings in the playoffs. Ryan goes off on naturopaths. We reflect back and look ahead as Patio Lant…

ELECT BIGFOOT FOR SHERIFF

- Kurt, the bachelor, heads down to the USA to celebrate

- Ryan describes his gory experience shaving his head

- A friend of the podcast's ass

- Does draft beer get you mo…

FRIENDLY STALKERS ONLY PLEASE

[0 mins]: Randy orders some new flattering jeans. Kurt contemplates quitting the gym after trying out some local spin classes. Street sweepers take over the local headl…

Ryan gets cornered by a pack of wild dogs in Mexico. We need a psychic to help Kurt get some damn sleep. The Valentine's Day effect sends ripples through the dating world. Kurt stars in a movie. Rand…

We head to the mountains to relax and record this episode.

Randy finally tries the bidet. A man gets panini'd at the gym. The Fast X trailer. The Apple Music fake crowd noise halftime show. Kurt gets…

WET FEBRUARY HAS ARRIVED

Randy joins TikTok around the same time a Chinese surveillance balloon is spotted hovering over Eastern USA. One of us receives a special flower delivery. Another failed dati…

Dry January may be bad for your health. Kurt's attendance in accounting class is accounted for. The dating apps are all dried up - Kurt provides his definitive rankings of the ones you know, and the …

LET'S GET PRIMITIVE

Randy hosts a holiday cocktail party with a surprising guest appearance. New Year's lives up to the hype! An AI takes control of Randy's life, one email at a time...Weather apps…

ALTERNATE TITLE: Our dinner with Raud

Caveman and Randy with a special in-person Christmas episode. Randy introduces a new word. Adriene's extremely specific yoga videos. The stark contrast between…