Welcome To Patchwork

Christian received a wonderful compliment while riding his bike and he was thoroughly chuffed. He tells us about how chuffed he was. Megachuffed.

Josh has big issues with message reactions. What wa…

Josh wonders why Christian and Dion chose to print their name while signing the pair of elf slippers ew auctioned off. Turns out Christian would rather get a celebrity print their name rather than si…

Josh attempts (and fails) to set the record straight about drinking Dion's beer - turns out he's technically correct, the best kind of correct, but morally bankrupt. Christian's shares his latest get…

We're back baby! With a very special announcement and some classic Patchwork. There's bones to be picked and befores to get started.

Christian takes issue with Josh trying to sell some Elf Slippers…

Merry Christmas Patchworkers! In our annual Christmas episode we cover the Christmas menu. How fixed is your families Christmas menu? Do new dishes ever make it on? Christian has been trying (and fai…

There's yet another twist to the saga of Samantha the turtle! Let's hope Josh stops milking a lost turtle for content, after this week.

We find out who among us holds the record for 'most times car…

Turns out that Dion hates a meandering walk but Christian and Josh love to go for a trot - conversation ensues. We find out our limits for how far we're willing to walk and under what conditions. Chr…

We discuss if it's ok to simply hang up a phone call while it's ringing, or if you should let it ring out to be polite. Christian thinks that under no circumstance can you hang up and he takes us thr…

Christian picks a bone with Josh's tuneless whistling. We discuss what we've been up to since lockdown has lifted here in Melbourne. Number one post lockdown activity on Dion's list was a hair cut - …

How confident are you in being that first person to put their hands together at the end of a performance? It's a big risk, what if you get it wrong? They'll boo you out of the theatre, probably. We a…

We talk animal shelters, flat tyres and delivery estimate etiquette. Josh clumisly wades into dog eugenics while Christian can't stop talking about sexy dogs.

We also go deep on dip. Should the foi…

"The boys are back in town, the boys are back in towwwnnnn." *sung to the tune of "Boys Are Back In Town".

While we've been hating our lives in lockdown, Dion's been gardening and ruminating on wha…

Hello Patchworkers, it's been too long! Sorry for not communicating clearly with you as to what's been going on with the show. The short version is: 'it's been a bit shit during lockdown here in Melb…

'What is the purpose of the front porch light if not to be left on for members of the household currently out of the house!?' says Josh indignantly during this episode. He's sick of fumbling with his…

What is the etiquette surrounding after hours emails? Is there such a thing as an over-enthusiastic active listener? And Dion is shocked by Christian and Josh's reaction to seeing a mouse in their ho…

How do you apply sauce to your food? Are you a side or top saucer? Can you defer a house tour? What do you point out when giving someone a tour of your house? Whose responsibility is it to check pock…

Dion encourages thieves to steal his car; Josh takes a nap, fully clothed; we discuss the lengths we all go to when using up the last little bits of a product and we help another listener who calls i…

Josh and Christian argue over a dinner order that never came to fruition; what is your strategy for finding a car spot? what is your desert island vegetable? what prompts you to leave an online revie…

If you buy someone a lottery ticket and they win a prize, are you entitled to the rewards? Can you flip another person's phone over if it's distracting? Can you turn that same phone onto silent mode?…

Josh calls out Dion's birthday hypocracy; how do you remember to say happy birthday to somone? What is your reaction to someone who uses a word you don't know? Plus we open the Patchwork Helpline for…