Things That Will Burn In Hell with Phoenix West

In a world where things only happen to beautiful people and ugly villains, a 30-ish male, model is forced to face a dangerous and secret organization. With the help of his distractingly hot female co…

The ocean is a big, wet bitch and should be avoided regardless of shark quantity. The ocean is a great way to find a surprise syringe in your child's foot. The ocean makes a terrible setting for film…

This is a very sexual take on fast food. Or is it? I don't know. I guess that depends on your definition of sexy you disgusting, garbage human, you. Regardless, it's the first of many poems on this s…

Face tattoos are the most effecient way to let everyone else know you're probably not a reliable human being and to just look elsewhere when handing out opportunities. So actually, thank you face-tat…

Well we're in full man-bun mode lately so this felt like perfect timing to release this episode about guys with long hair. Actually it was just the next chapter of the book so deal with it. This epis…

I envision a bike-free future. A world where the cycles of bi are a thing of the past. A world where our children are free to walk along the sidewalk without fear of hearing someone scream "on your l…

Why is dancing in movies the ONE time the ghetto has unusually high standards? It doesn't make sense. Oh, and also, dancing isn't a job. Nor is it a sport. It's just a thing that's sometimes fun that…

Pick one, you dicks. It can't be both.

Well it's football season. Or it was. Or it will be. Either way, time for the NFC North fans to paint their guts and start screaming for their terrible teams. This is coming from a Vikings fan, mind …

Fuck cowboy hats. And boots. And music. And life. End it. Or not. I guess it's really not that big of a deal.

Want to throw your money in the garbage but want to add some flair to it? Then a casino is for you. Go ahead, waste your hard-earned money on that shit.

Anime is boring. Anime is boring. Anime is boring. Except most of Death Note. Other than that, anime is boring. Anime is boring. Anime is colorful flashing boring.

Can't play sports but desperately want to watch sports while drinking away your life remember when you could play said sports? Then welcome to your local sports bar. Check out the north corner of the…

Is there any worse automobile to be stuck behind than a van? At least with a semi-truck you can pass it off as a man doing his job. But a van driver is not working...unless making meth and snatching …

Writing your feelings in poem form is not an art. It's just a shorthand diary at that point. We do not want to read your boring diary. Just learn to be clever about it. Deal? Good.

Your alien overlords demand that you stare at speakers when someone is speaking over them. I can't think of another reason everyone stares at them in public. Obviously it's left-over survival instinc…

Horseback riding is fun. There is no denying that. Horses throw people off of them. There is no denying that. They do not want you on their spines. Obviously. This should be common knowledge. www.LI…

For the first official video episode of Things That Will Burn In Hell, Phoenix discusses a sensitive subject to all of you victims out there. That of course is the creepy nature of men with mustaches…