The Place We Find Ourselves

Suppose you have come to realize some of the ways that your parents have harmed you over the years. What are you supposed to do now? How do you engage with a parent now that you’ve come to realize so…

Dan Allender is the reason this podcast exists. His teaching forms the foundation of nearly every episode. Dan joins me today to talk about how to engage your story and how to engage your suffering. …

Jen Oyama Murphy and I reflect on the U Diagram of healing. The human heart heals by engaging one’s story. But how does cultural background factor into effective story engagement? Whether you are a p…

Jen Oyama Murphy shares a story she wrote for The Allender Center called “My Eyes.” Evil often assaults us through the cursing of others. When a part of our body is cursed—especially during our growi…

This is a bonus episode on spiritual abuse. Rachael Clinton Chen provides an overview of the marks of spiritual abuse. She will be teaching a conference on spiritual abuse on Saturday, June 5. You ca…

Friend and fellow therapist Cyndi Mesmer comes back on the podcast to share one of her stories. It’s a story of the exploitation of innocence and the violation of trust. We talk about Cyndi’s trauma …

Cathy Loerzel joins me to talk about how to engage your family of origin story in a way that brings healing to your brain. We examine three byproducts of trauma (fragmentation, dissociation, and isol…

Today’s episode begins with an explanation of attachment: what it is and why it’s so important. After recapping The Still Face Experiment, I talk about the two primary types of insecure attachment: a…

Abuse often involves intensity. Whether it’s sexual abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse—the nature of abuse is that there is an intensity between the two people involved. When a parent abuses a ch…

Here’s the bottom line with parenting: the past isn’t dead; it’s not even past. Your past experiences in life are profoundly influencing how you interact with, and parent, your children. Every parent…

I am joined today by Jay Stringer to talk about the relationship between our current sexual difficulties and our attachment histories. At some point in our lives, each of us will encounter difficulti…

Here’s the bottom line with parenting: the past isn’t dead; it’s not even past. Your past experiences in life are profoundly influencing how you interact with, and parent, your children. Every parent…

Last year John Eldredge wrote an important book called Get Your Life Back. In today’s episode, John and I talk about my favorite parts of his book. In short, we talk about simple everyday practices t…

Your nervous system is constantly surveying your environment (think: relationships) to determine how safe and supported you feel. When your body scans the environment and detects anything that feels …

My friend Bethany shares one of her stories about sibling abuse. And, as is the case with virtually all sibling abuse, there is so much more at play than an older sibling harming a younger sibling. H…

Today I share one of my stories. My guest is Rachael Clinton Chen, but she’s actually the host of the episode. As Rachael interviews me, I talk about how I began to engage my story, as well as what o…

This is Part 2 of my conversation with Cyndi Mesmer. As you begin to name the ways your parents harmed you, it is very common to think, “Okay, I’ll acknowledge that my Dad harmed me, but I don’t thin…

Cyndi Mesmer and I tackle the question of, “Did the people who harmed me really mean to do it?” Answering this question is more important than you may realize. If you are unsure about the answer to t…

Today I want to look at the Bible’s take on how Christians are called to respond when racial injustice is occurring in our land. I am not going to devote any time to making a case that America is an …