The Place We Find Ourselves

Naming intentionality matters because if you are unsure about whether or not the other person meant to hurt you, it will be very difficult for you to heal from your wounds. This is because you can’t …

I am joined today by Aundi Kolber, the author of Try Softer: A Fresh Approach to Move Us out of Anxiety, Stress, and Survival Mode — and into a Life of Connection and Joy. We discuss the importance o…

Bonus episode! Cathy Loerzel and I dive into why it’s crucial to take your wounds seriously, and how your wounds lead to the “orphan experience,” “stranger experience,” and/or “widow experience.” We …

Jerry Sittser is the author of A Grace Disguised: How the Soul Grows Through Loss. He is no stranger to trauma. Jerry and I cover the following topics in this episode: our tendency to try to muscle o…

Anxiety can be so debilitating. But what exactly is it? Why do we feel anxious? And how can we address it? Anxiety is what you feel when you are avoiding important unfelt emotions. And your anxiety i…

I am joined today by Jay Stringer to talk about the relationship between our current sexual difficulties and our attachment histories. At some point in our lives, each of us will encounter difficulti…

This is part 2 of my interview with Wendell Moss about racial trauma. Today we continue to discuss the importance of naming what has been true of the past so that we might be free from it. We also be…

I am joined today by Wendell Moss. Wendell is a therapist, an instructor at the Seattle School of Theology and Psychology, and part of The Allender Center teaching staff. We discuss a blog post Wende…

Complicity often haunts people with a history of trauma more than anything else. The essence of complicity is the sense that I volitionally participated in my own abuse. In today’s episode, I outline…

Rebecca Wheeler Walston joins me today to talk about how she came to engage her story in more depth. She also shares a story of significant harm at the hands of fellow Christians. It is a story of ha…

I am joined by Cathy Loerzel to talk about how to engage another person’s story. Effective story engagement is not a magical skill that some people have and some people don’t. It can be learned. Toda…

Bethany Robbins returns to identify the key points to cover when you talk to your children about sex, including the subject of pornography and the importance of naming the feeling of sexual arousal a…

I am joined today by Bethany Robbins to address the subject of talking to your children about sex. Bethany and I each share a story about how our parents talked to us about sex. It’s important to und…

I am joined today by author Kate Bowler to talk about her recently released book No Cure For Being Human. Topics covered: the very human desire to have a blueprint or formula for how to live life (an…

Cathy Loerzel and Dan Allender join me today to talk about their newly published book Redeeming Heartache: How Past Suffering Reveals Our True Calling. Cathy and Dan reflect on what redemption actual…

This is the final episode in the series on interacting with someone who has harmed you. Today we look at what it means to establish clear boundaries and put relational consequences in place when nece…

Your body tells a story. The sensations in your body reveal something about what you have experienced, what you hold, and what you carry. Most of us are either unaware of the sensations in our bodies…

Today’s focus is how to engage with, love, and honor a wicked person. Direct confrontation is not going to work. You need to be cunning, shrewd, and strategically disruptive. Think “surprise attacks …

What does it mean to honor your father/mother when they have harmed you? What does it mean to love someone who has harmed you? Today’s episode looks at these two questions. Love always disrupts the s…

This is part 2 of a series of episodes focused on how to interact with someone who has harmed you. Today’s episode identifies two additional attributes of wicked people—namely scapegoating and intell…