The Opinion Machine???

#42 Vigilante Justice, Assisted Murder & A Fun Abortion Story

Aka: If you’re gonna do it, keep it to yourself.

#41 Laziness As Virtue, No Such Thing As Wasted Time & Finally Learning When To Shut Up.

Aka: Wisdom Is Knowing How To Pick Your Battles.

#40 Irrational Fear, Rational Concern & The Full Blown Terror Of Tunnels.

Aka: Peanut Butter Won’t Fix This.

#39 You Got Yer Left Wing, You Got Yer Right Wing, & Still Only Fly In Dreams.

Aka: Juvenile analogies are fine if they still work.

#38 Shaming Jon Stewart, Praising Daniel Tosh, & Self Deprecation As Magnanimous Public Service.

Aka: Taking oneself too seriously is unintentionally hilarious to others.

#37 Personal Flags, Club Flags & Gay Flags.

Aka: what do we gotta do to actually get along?

#36 Blatant Liars, Trusting Repeaters, & How Lies Seem Truer The Further They Float Downstream.

Aka: Do your due diligence or keep your yap shut.

#35 Hate Misdemeanors, Hate Code Violations, & Penalizing Putting Pudding Pops Into Pants Pockets & Purses.

Aka: Your smile is hateful.

Terrible Teenagers, Ornery Old Folks & 3.5 Billion Unintentional Assholes. 

Aka: I pity the foolery of Mr. (Low) T.

#33 Cowardly Zebras, Ridiculous Firemen & Lying Ass Laser Removers

Aka: How dare you seek love & attention.

Skinny Little Arms, Boob-Like Hands & Unable To Run More Than A Block Without Collapsing.

Aka: Guns are definitely, absolutely, no doubt about it, for pussies.

Alex “PizzaGate” Jones, The Spectrum Of Evil, & Conspiracy Theory As Investigative Journalism.

Aka: my dichotomous joy in maybe being wrong about the seemingly over suspicious.

Impostor Snake Charmers, Fraudulent Australian Alligator Farmers, & 45 Year Old Kindergarteners.

AKA: Your artificially aged cowboy hat blows your cover.

 Never Make Quick Decisions In Reno, No Good Deed Goes Unpunished, & How Reliance Upon Others Is Key To Disappointment.

Aka: Independence is good.

 Underestimating The Mentally Challenged, Overestimating Your Own Intelligence, & Consequence Free Smugnicity.

Aka: why so many idiots think they are smarter than Donald Trump.

Star City Music Festival, Awkwardly Accepting Tips, & The Timely Kindness Of The Twisted Sister.

Aka: You try singing sappy songs in front of random strangers.

My Polynesian Step Family, Driving In Circles, & All Expenses Paid Retirement In A Tropical Paradise.

Aka: Who do I gotta kill to join the Hawaiian brotherhood?

How Chris Cuomo Earned His Nickname, Jesus Sucked Up To The Big Man, & I Tricked My Way Through The Bishop’s Interview.

Aka: How to ban your way to stardom.

Getting To The Fucking Point, Cowardly Internet Snitchery, & The Dubious Future Of Digital Meteorology.

AKA: Amish barn raising looks more appealing every day.