The Opinion Machine???

The Harsh Reality Of Conditional Nudity, The Myth of Unconditional Love, & The Pervasive Cruelty Of Swipe Leftists.

AKA: It’s a miracle people aren’t wearing body armor to spin class.

Fat Albert Einstein Can’t Dance, Stephen Hawkings Can’t Kick A Field Goal, & Michael Jordan Forgot Where He Left His Keys.

AKA: Everyone is retarded.

Killer Bees, Exploding Bee Keepers, & The Irrational Fear Of Red Leather Pants.

AKA: Being skeptical, critical, cautious and wary ain’t nothin of which to be scared.

 Old Dudes Watercoloring, Young Dudes Fixing Race Cars, & An Endless Stream Of Dog Rescue Videos.

AKA: Social Media doesn’t really give an accurate picture of anyone.

Howard Stern Finds Jesus, David Letterman Turns Into Mother Teresa, & Maddox Unironically Clutches His Self Administered Pearl Necklace.

AKA: Jesus ain’t known for his stand-up comedy.

The Penis/Vagina Shouting Match, Claw Marks To Match My Freckles, & How Bruised Egos Lead To Bruised Bodies.

AKA: It’s surprising there aren’t mass shootings every 5 minutes.

A Big Dumb Cowboy Hat, A Frumpy Forgettable Girl, & A Whore In Red Leather (Tits To Toes).

Aka: It’s not my fault I don’t remember you.

Mathematically Induced Rage, Defiant Popcorn Revenge, & Why I Hated School.

Aka: These obedient idiots are NOT my people!

 Having My First Drink At 33, 13 Subsequent Years Of Catch-up, & Losing Interest In Booze As I Lost Interest In Strangers.

Aka: I recognize drunk facebooking when I see it.

Artist Of The Year, Juvenile Photo Realism, & The Crushing Melancholy Of Valiant Best Efforts.

AKA An ironic, low effort plea of: can you at least TRY!?

 - Prophets For Profits, Mexican Kids In Cages, & The Ever-Presence Of DoomsDayism.

Aka: Your boiling forehead is giving me a sunburn.

 - Little Tiny Rocks, Dog’s Ears Flapping, & The Unfathomable Miracle Of Everything.

Aka: Don’t Worry So Much.

Emergency, emergency, human beans!

HUMAN BEANS!

What a worthless pile of procrastinating poop.

Total hypocrite, that Merkley.