Man in the Gap

You offer closeness.

They resist.

You offer safety.

They sabotage it.

And it’s not because they don’t want to attach.

It’s because they’ve been trained — by pain — not to.

So connection feels dangerous.

Lov…

You tuck them in.

They roll away.

You say, “I love you.”

They say nothing back.

And every day you give… feels like another day of being invisible.

That wears on a man.

It chips away at your heart.

You start…

You sit in a courtroom.

You hear a ruling.

And everything in you screams, “This isn’t right.”

But you can’t change it.

You can’t control it.

You can only trust God… when the system doesn’t make sense.

And …

Foster care has cost me things.

Time. Energy. Sleep. Control.

It’s stretched every part of me.

But ask me if it’s worth it?

Absolutely.

Because this isn’t just parenting — it’s legacy.

It’s breaking cycles…

Grace is easy to preach.

Harder to practice.

Especially when a child is lying to your face.

Or breaking something you love.

Or rejecting the love you’re trying to give.

But that’s where grace lives — not …

There are days I open my Bible and feel… nothing.

Days when worship feels dry.

When prayer feels like shouting into the wind.

But the kids still need breakfast.

Still need structure.

Still need love.

So I …

You won’t always get thank-you’s.

You won’t always see fruit.

But every now and then, something happens…

A child comes to you instead of hiding.

They quote something you said — even when you thought they…

“Don’t get too attached.”

They warned me.

And I ignored them.

And I got attached anyway.

And yes — it hurt.

But you know what would’ve hurt more?

Keeping my heart guarded.

Withholding love.

Treating a child …

There are days I literally don’t know what to say.

When emotions are high.

When behaviors don’t make sense.

When my own heart is reacting before I can think.

And in those moments, I stop.

Even for two sec…

You see it in their eyes.

The fear. The panic. The flinch that tells you someone hurt them before you ever showed up.

And something in you breaks.

Because you want to fix it.

You want to reach inside and…

“You don’t need to prove anything.”

That’s what I’d say.

You don’t have to be perfect.

You don’t have to be the fixer.

You don’t need to have every answer.

You just need to show up.

You will mess up.

You wi…

It wasn’t the court date.

Or the paperwork.

Or the moment someone called me “Dad.”

It was when he reached for my hand in public.

Not because he had to — but because he wanted to.

That was it.

That moment c…

You’re doing everything you can to love this child…

…but they’re not loving you back.

You’ve sacrificed time, sleep, finances, freedom — and still feel like the enemy.

And in the quiet corners of your h…

Sometimes the hardest part of this journey isn’t the tantrums or trauma.

It’s the well-meaning comments from people who just… don’t get it.

• “Why don’t you just spank him?”
• “I could never do what you’re …

It’s hard to have a “quiet time” when the house is never quiet.

Kids yelling.

Appointments stacking up.

Caseworkers calling.

Dinner burning.

And yet, I’ve learned that God isn’t only found in silence.

He m…

There are moments — real moments — when I ask myself:

• Why are we doing this?
• Is this helping anyone?
• Are we just making things harder — for them and for us?

It’s not a lack of love.

It’s the weight of the…

I used to think being the “spiritual leader” meant having all the answers.

Reading devotionals out loud. Praying long prayers. Keeping everything on track.

But then foster care happened.

And I found mys…

To stand in the gap is to stand where no one else will.

Between brokenness and healing. Between the past and the future. Between what was and what’s possible.

It means absorbing pain without passing it…

• “You’re not making a difference.”
• “You’re just a babysitter.”
• “This isn’t your real child.”

Those lies hit hard. Especially on the hard days.

But they’re not truth.

Truth says:

• You’re planting something et…

Sometimes the breakthroughs happen in the cracks.

Not in therapy. Not at court. Not at church.

But in the front seat of the truck. On the walk around the block. In the middle of the night when they can…