Conflict Owner's Manual
We help you use conflict competencies you already have, so you can do conflict better.
Dr. Deborah Sword is a specialist in conflict analysis and management. Tyson Bankert is a community facilitator and artist. We have decades of experience and training in helping people expand their conflict competencies.
Our logo is a dandelion because conflict is like a weed you don't want in the garden. But since it's there, you want to know how to manage it, keep it from spreading, and feel good about how you dealt with it.
- Update frequency
- every 3 days
- Average duration
- 6 minutes
- Episodes
- 96
- Years Active
- 2024 - 2025
37 What if you are given an "either this or that" forced choice?
Sometimes only two options exist, and neither is ideal. Sometimes, you can expand your choices. If you want better options, can you make the options better? We discuss how.
36 How do gossip and conflict relate to each other?
Gossip may never interact with conflict, or it may cause it conflict and conflict may cause gossip. What are conflict competent responses when conflict and gossip interact in a feedback loop?
35 What are the goals of a Conflict Owner's Manual?
A listener asks about Conflict Owner's Manual goals, and we answer with goals, definitions, examples, personal stories and more about conflict competencies that enhance relationships.
34 Can you trust your judgment in the uncertainty of conflict?
Being in a conflict can make you doubt yourself. Conflicts thrive in that uncertainty. Here are 3 tips for trusting your own conflict competence, because what you know may be enough.
33 When who is to blame becomes the conflict
Conflicts often start about one thing and spiral into blaming, with brittle words like "you always" and "you never" and "but you do it too only worse." We discuss whether taking responsibility can ch…
32 Three conflict competencies from Matthew Bellas
Some people are so gifted at getting along that it's a pleasure to know them. Matthew Bellas was one of the those special people. Deborah gives three conflict competency tips she learned from Matthew…
31 Is conflict competence a "soft" skill
Conflict competence is on almost every top ten list for success at work, for relationships and in life. Is conflict competence a hard skill, a soft skill or both?
30 What is the role of context in conflict?
When conflict happens, it may look like a simple, one or two issue problem between two or three people. Often, there's more going on than appears on the surface. Context is the environment in which c…
29 When conflicts outgrow their original boundaries
Some conflict start small, like you helpfully mention that someone didn't wash a dish, and whoa, it blows into a contest over who never cleans up and who always leaves a mess everywhere. Maybe you we…
28 What's the problem with agreeing to disagree?
When persuasion and arguing haven't helped heal a disagreement, you might "agree to disagree" and change the subject. Is there a downside to leaving an argument this way? Deborah suggests trying conf…
27 Are pessimists more conflict competent than optimists?
Both pessimism and optimism have strengths and weaknesses in conflict. There's power in pessimism and value in optimism for the conflict competent.
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26 Is aggression a conflict competency?
It's tempting to be aggressive to achieve the conflict outcome you prefer. Deborah demonstrates that there are other approaches that are more likely to get results you want.
25 Are your conflicts complex, uncertain and heavy with variables?
As much as people in conflict want to know the consequences of their decisions before they decide, the answer to most conflict questions is: it depends. There are ways to deal with uncertainty, and i…
24 Who is correct when opinions differ? This simple exercise helps you know.
Sometimes, when people quarrel about whose opinion is correct and who is wrong, I use a simple easy demonstration. Afterwards, they still might not agree who has the best opinion, but they will agree…
23 What should you do when the other person's opinion is 'wrong'
Conflicts over disagreeable opinions get personal so fast, and, too often, they get insulting. How can you hold such a wrong opinion, you may ask them? Here's an alternative that lets the discussion …
22 Three ways to change your conflict pattern
Conflicts follow patterns. Changing your conflict patterns improves your conflict competence. Here are three different approaches to changing your conflict pattern. Try all three. Use whichever works…
21 If you dread the family dinner, try these for fun
Close friends and family members can trigger your heated reactions even when you like or love each other. They think they know you even when you've grown past their image of you. You defend yourself …
20 How to turn conversation competence into conflict competence
Conflict overwhelms your calm conversational skills that connect you to the other person. So, how do you stay in touch with your calm conversational competence, to carry it into conflict competence? …
19 Whose permission do you need to be conflict competent?
It's great to have norms, manners, policy and structure that foster healthy relationships. But - if those aren't supporting your efforts, you can give yourself permission to be a role model for confl…
18 How to lower the heat with your conflict script
Change your conflict script; change your conflict. Here's a creative way to rewrite your conflict script to skip the conflict part of the script. Deborah shows her method for changing the future conf…