The 100 Word Stories Podcast

George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
The other pirates sang sea shanties.
George rapped. Badly.
And not just White Guy Badly.
Imagine Pat Boone rapping.
No, imagine Bob Hope rapping…

George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
Every time his crew raided a town, he’d draw his cutlass and roar “The synagogue’s mine!”
His crewmates thought he was some kind of bloodthirsty…

George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
“It’s because you’re a white, straight, cisgendered male,” said the ship’s Chief Diversity Officer. “You’re a privileged member of The Patriocra…

George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
After watching The Muppet Movie, he tried to think about songs about rainbows.
But the only one he could think of was the one that Kermit the Fr…

George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
Still, he tried his best, such as the time when he wanted to decorate the ship for Halloween.
“We’ll carve creepy pumpkins!” he said.
The proble…

George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
He didn’t have much of skills or talent.
At the first annual Pirate Talent Show, he arranged flowers.
Well, weeds. He didn’t have any flowers to…

George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
You’re not supposed to clip your nails or cut your hair on a ship.
It’s seen as an offering to the goddess Persephone.
But Neptune is a jealous …

George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
There’s a superstition about boarding boats with your right foot.
Because the left foot is unlucky.
The captain put a sign at the gangplank that…

George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
So he made up for it with luck charms and superstitious rituals.
They say that if you get a feather from a wren on New Year’s Day and wear it, y…

George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
And he didn’t get any better at it with the pandemic.
The CDC told people not to rub their faces and eyes, which is you have a hook for a hand, …

George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
His sextant wasn’t as much a navigation tool as it was a nutcracker.
He’d sweep the shells off of the maps and charts and shout “Oh, let’s go th…

George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
For some reason, he’d taken to going everywhere on horseback.
Which was fine when the ship was in port.
Although the owner of The Five Skulls Ta…

George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
Every time he killed someone, he’d have nightmares about it.
And then he’d hesitate that much more before he killed another person.
Pretty soon,…

George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
When he took people hostage, he wasn’t very good at setting a reasonable ransom amount.
“Five dollars!” demanded George. “Not a penny less!”
“Th…

George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
Instead of capturing the HMS Beagle and holding the ship for ransom, George joined their crew and learned all about Darwin’s Theory of Natural S…

George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
Whenever he buried treasure, he’d forget to draw a map to it.
So, he spent a lot of time stumbling around beaches and forests and fields, holdin…

George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
Instead of looting and pillaging, he liked to collect small animals.
His favorite was a baby kraken, which he’d kept in a jar by his bunk.
Then,…