The Art of Intimacy: Crafting Connection in Memoir and Essay with Lilly Dancyger
- Author
- Lisa Cooper Ellison
- Published
- Thu 27 Mar 2025
- Episode Link
- https://lisacooperellison.com/the-art-of-intimacy-with-lilly-dancyger/
Join me and editor extraordinaire Lilly Dancyger as we discuss her latest book, First Love, an intimate, electric collection of essays on friendship, identity, and what it means to grow into yourself in community. During our conversation, Lilly shares her sharp insights on the craft of memoir, why she bristles at the idea of writing as catharsis, and how she pushes back against the dead girl trope by keeping her cousin Sabina fully alive on the page. If you’ve ever wondered how to turn memory into art without falling into the trap of polishing your pain, this one’s for you.
Episode Highlights
- 3:36: The Problem of Connecting Memoir with Catharsis
- 10:12: Essays as a Space for Play and Variation
- 13:04: Showing Intimacy on the Page
- 21:12: Zooming In and Zooming Out
- 27:00: Pushing Against the Dead Girl Trope
- 33:44: Strategies for Cleansing Your Creative Palette
Resources for this Episode:
- Canceling My Book Deal Was the Best Career Move I’ve Ever Made” by Lilly Dancyger
- “Why Your Memoir Won’t Sell” by Jane Friedman
- More Than True Crime with Sarah Perry
Lilly’s Bio: Lilly Dancyger is the author of First Love: Essays on Friendship, and Negative Space. Her work has been published by The New York Times, The Atlantic, The Washington Post, Playboy, and Rolling Stone, among others, and she writes the Substack newsletter The Word Cave. Dancyger lives in New York City, and teaches creative nonfiction in the MFA programs at Columbia University and Randolph College.
Connect with Lilly:
- Website: https://www.lillydancyger.com/
- Substack: https://substack.com/@lillydancyger
- Blue Sky: @lillydancyger.bsky.social
- Instagram: @lillydancyger on Instagram
Connect with your host, Lisa:
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Sign up for The Art of Reflection in Memoir: https://janefriedman.com/the-art-of-reflection-in-memoir-with-lisa-cooper-ellison/
Produced by Espresso Podcast Production
