35- A Widowers Story of Love & Loss- with Special Guest Duane DeGeus

In this episode special guest, Duane DeGeus shares his inspirational story of deep love and deep loss. 

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More thoughts from Duane- First, here are the scriptures that I have relied on through these times. Proverbs 3:5-6 5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways acknowledge Him,
    and He will direct your paths.Psalm 91:1 He that dwells in the secret place of the most high God shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty Psalm 139: 7-10 7 Where can I go to escape Your Spirit? Where can I flee from Your presence? 8 If I ascend to the heavens, You are there;9 if I make my bed in Sheol, You are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle by the farthest sea, 10 even there Your hand will guide me; Your right hand will hold me fast.For me, part of doing the hard thing has been to take walks and occasionally not listen to anything but the Lord and my own thoughts, guided by the Holy Spirit. It’s been part of the discipline of solitude during this time. And I tried to have conversational prayer and then listen to what God would say to me in those times.Esther was the epitome of a Proverbs 31 woman. She could’ve been anything she desired, and she chose to be a loving wife, mother, homemaker, teacher, friend and mentor. She cared more about others than herself and directed her high emotional intelligence toward showing love and compassion toward everyone she had a conversation with. I feel like a land mine has exploded and I am filled with shrapnel that no one else can see. And yet, there’s an expectation that I’m just fine, and ready to be available just like all the others who are dealing with injuries, less severe, just minor cuts and bruises. In some aspects, I can function and be useful, but in other ways, the major injuries hamper my effectiveness and ability to be fully engaged. I was alongside a person for so many years, who I both drew strength from and gave mine to, so that that moving forward now is extremely uncomfortable and unfamiliar. After 40 years, I was at a place of security, and acceptance with my wife. Now, being without her and her strength of character and emotional stability, has left me unbalanced. I hadn’t felt this way since before we were married, if ever. I had never experienced this kind of positive, mature relationship before in my life. I’m not sure how much of my present disorientation is normal and expected and how much might need special care and attention. I can go on, because in the great marriage God gave me, He taught me lessons that strengthened me personally to better handle whatever comes at me going forward. I am equipped in ways I wouldn’t be if I hadn’t enjoyed the relationship with Esther that I had. My local daughters were an amazing help and support as they also visited my wife in the hospital and then in assisted in fulfilling the advanced directive. That part specifically was extremely painful for all of us and I know this has left wounds in them that they are still dealing with