Kitchen Chats with Aimee Kandrac Episode 12: When There’s No One To Call

The first season of Kitchen Chats focused on the first people you call during a crisis. But what if you have no one to call? Or if the people you reach out to don’t step up? Aimee brings back her sister, Stephanie, who is also a licensed therapist. Stephanie shares that feeling alone, isolated, or abandoned is a common experience and gives tips for finding resources and building community.

Episode Highlights

If you feel alone, you’re not alone.

As a therapist, Stephanie knows it’s common for people to feel abandoned, alone, or isolated. For some, even talking about it to a therapist like Stephanie can be hard. 

“There are so many moments where we can feel like we don’t have anybody to call, even if we have a big circle,” Stepahnie said. “And there are also moments when we realize that we don’t have a circle.”

Get to know your community.

The technology age has made knocking on your neighbor’s door a little more awkward than it used to be. But if you’re proactive about building your community, you won’t have to be reactive when times get tough. One way to build community is to ask people in your area for resource recommendations like counselors and therapists.

“That way, you do have those numbers in your back pocket when or if the time comes you need them and you’re not scrambling to try and figure it out,” she said.

Be a smart shopper.

If you’re looking to build or refine your inner circle, consider who you’re asking to help with what. When Stephanie talks with clients and friends, she uses the analogy of being a smart shopper. For instance, if you go to the hardware store to buy bread, you’re going to be disappointed.

“I use this analogy of being a smart shopper for learning to know who in your life can offer what,” she said. “Not everybody is going to be your Target, and you don’t want everybody to be Target. You need specialty stores, too.”

Not everyone has to be a friend.

Not everyone you reach out to in tough times has to be a friend. Members of a faith community, support groups, and community centers can all help directly or connect you with resources. Stephanie also recommends reaching out to a therapist.

“Reaching out to a therapist is never a bad idea,” she said. “Even if that therapist isn’t the right fit for you, they can help you find some of the other resources that you do need.”

When someone comes to you.

Sometimes, you may not realize you’re a person’s “kitchen counter” kind of friend until they open up to you. At that time, it’s important to consider how to hold space and ask how you can support them.

“We never know what we mean to someone else,” Stephanie said. “We don’t know when we may be the person that someone else needs.”

Don’t forget you can call or text 988.

If you’re feeling at a point of desperation or loneliness, you can always text or dial 988 for the Suicide Prevention Lifeline. When you call, someone will be there to answer who wants to talk to you.

“You’re worth talking to,” Stephanie said. “Every single one of us is always worth talking to even when we feel like we are not. That can be hard to hold in some moments of real desperation, but I really hope people know that they’re valued, they’re loved, they’re worthy.”

Resources + Links

• If you need someone to talk to, call or text 988 to reach the Suicide Prevention Lifeline.
• Kitchen Chats on YouTube
• Aimee Kandrac: Website, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn
• WhatFriendsDo: Website, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn

About Aimee and WhatFriendsDo

Aimee Kandrac is a speaker, consultant, and the co-founder and CEO of WhatFriendsDo. Her work is instrumental for organizing support during life-changing events, and she speaks to organizations about creative ways to help friends and family during times of crisis. Aimee has been recognized as a Top 50 Mompreneur by Babble.com and is the first female CEO in the state of Indiana to close a $500,000 funding round. She has been featured in Forbes, Time, the LA Times, Oprah.com, the Indianapolis Star, and more.

WhatFriendsDo is a simpler way to create organized and actionable support during a time of crisis. The free, online platform empowers healthcare facilities, HR departments, families, and friends to easily coordinate meals, errands, transportation, childcare, communication, and more for those in the midst of a life-changing event. The women-founded and women-led company started as a solution for a friend with terminal cancer. WhatFriendsDo is based out of Indianapolis.