Kitchen Chats with Aimee Kandrac Episode 1: The First Person You Call During A Crisis

When a life-changing event happens, who is the first person you call? For Aimee, that person is Stephanie, who is not only her sister but also a therapist who helps clients navigate difficult life circumstances. On the episode, Stephanie shares some of the tips she gives clients and has used when navigating crises in her own life. She also discusses the importance of boundaries, why it’s completely normal to not know what to do next after a major life event, and how having an action plan can help your friends and family help you in a meaningful way.

Episode Highlights

It’s okay to not know what’s next after a major life event.

Stephanie and Aimee recount the night their Dad died, when Aimee felt like she was only capable of sitting at the kitchen counter with close friends and family. Stephanie says that reaction is completely normal when your world gets turned upside.

“That’s what we’re supposed to do in those moments,” Stephanie said. “That’s why we rely on the friends that we call. We learn, we move on, we let them be there to help be the head that can think through things that we can’t.”

Not everyone gets a seat at the kitchen counter.

During difficult life circumstances, such as a family death, you’ll likely need to share some information with those outside of your immediate circle. When you do that, it’s crucial to think about boundaries. Stephanie likes to use the metaphor of a house.

“Not everybody needs all the information,” she said. “Some people just get to come to the front door. Somebody else can come inside the entryway. Some people might come into the living room or the family room. The more intimate people come into the kitchen, because that’s the heart of the home, right?”

Come up with an action plan for accepting help during a crisis.

When a major life event happens, people tend to have two immediate responses:

1. Tell the family I’m thinking about them.
2. How can I help?

Sitting down in the kitchen with your friends and family is the perfect opportunity to come up with a list of action items that people can do to help in ways meaningful to you. By creating specific tasks, you mitigate the risk you end up with a freezer full of lasagna.

Below are some non-lasagna tasks to consider adding to your list:

• Take the kids on a playdate
• Walk the dog
• Celebrate the holidays, such as setting up a Easter Egg hunt
• Tend the garden, such as pulling weeds or watering flowers
• Reschedule appointments
• Drive kids to practices and events
• Get food delivered from a favorite restaurant

What to do when you struggle with asking for help.

As a culture, we’re pretty good about offering to help people going through a hard time, but not nearly as good at asking for help when we need it. If you don’t feel like you can ask for help yourself, Stephanie recommends having your “kitchen counter” friends and family help brainstorm and delegate action items for you.

“These are the people that can help you think through that because they know you best, and they’re going to think of the things that you’re not thinking of,” Stephanie said. “It’s usually easier to have other people to ask on your behalf than it is for yourself.”

Resources + Links

• Aimee Kandrac: Website, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn
• WhatFriendsDo: Website, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter