Day 06 of the Weight Loss Diaries

Day 06

January 6, 2019. I stood on the scale today and I weigh 209.7. I've lost another 3.3 pounds for a total weight loss of 8.3 pounds! Let me say this again. It's January 6, and I started this weight loss adventure on January 1. I'm kind of in shock right now. When I stood on the scale this morning I could feel (and I know this is going to sound crazy), but I could feel a difference in how my body felt. So when I stepped on the scale and it read 209.7, I was like what is happening here.

Just the other day I was having a mental break down thinking about 208.1. Why 208.1? Well, I've never been below 208.1 in years. I had built a mental block around getting past this number. I get close to it, self-sabotage, allow my fear, perfectionism, and stress eating curtail my weight loss efforts.

So what does it feel like to have 209.7 staring back at me? What does this number tell me? It's a just a number on the scale. It's not my identity.  How I feel about myself should not rise or fall with the number on the scale and that's what I'm working towards. For me, I know that I can get so caught up in that.  The scale is up therefore I feel dread and discouragement. The number on the scale goes down. I feel happy. And like that, as it just jumps up and down so do my emotions.  I’ve adopted a new practice when stepping on the scale. One that is based purely on assessing the number without emotion, judgment or criticism. I haven’t yet mastered this entirely but it’s worth practicing. No matter what the scale says, I look at it as just a number. It is a number. It informs me how much I weigh.  It does not define my worth, value, identity, intellect, curiosity, or depth. I'm learning to view it solely as information and observation, and then pivot from there. Adopting this practice of eating is empowering. It’s putting me in a position where on a daily basis I am in control of what I am eating becoming increasingly aware of the difference between physiological hunger vs. emotional hunger.

I've been practicing mindful eating on this weight loss adventure for for six days now and I'm down 8.3 pounds.  I'm 1.6 pounds away from 208.1. Rather than let my anxiety overtake me, I am choosing to hit pause, revel in the moment, and take all of this in. I just need to do that. I want give myself the time to celebrate my little daily wins. They are significant. Each step towards getting to after is significant. I shouldn't say little because I shouldn’t minimize my work, my progress, trusting the process,  creating consistency where there was chaos, developing daily habits that create the future self that I am becoming. Above all, loving myself now through the messy middle and getting to after. 

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