Episode 7: Clarity, Timing and Tempo

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What you say, when you say it & how you say it matters! 

Kim- and sometimes it’s a script that we say. Just like you as a magician or any performer memorizes a script, we actually have scripts in our marriages

Danny- example of first year of marriage same fight kept coming up 

Kim- the longer you have been married, the more unhealthy scripts you might have. To truly experience joy in your marriage, you need to throw out some of those unhealthy scripts— and replace them with new ones

Kim- 3 things that help
Clarity
 Timing
Tempo

Danny- CLARITY-changes the outcome of the conversation 
— so ask clarifying questions 

Kim- TIMING- poor timing often leads to defensiveness 
If I have a cop behind me while I’m driving and she pulls me over, it’s definitely not the time to point out that I should have got up earlier so I didn’t have to rush to wherever we are going! This leads to hurt, shame, and falling into old scripts
We have to own our part & take responsibility for actions. And our spouses timing helps us to do that. 

Danny- TEMPO
In arguments it’s about being fast to forgive, slow to get angry, quick to be patient & thoughtful in what you say 
Most valuable phrase— “this is important to me”
Ultimately to change what’s coming out of your mouth (if you are quick to be angry or say mean things, this is an issue of your own heart- not your spouse triggering you! Don’t hide behind old excuses & scripts.  

Kim- old saying “garbage in, garage out” prune juice in glass 
Challenge- think about scripts in your marriage & decide where you can change clarity, timing & tempo 

Danny- close- join next time “dealing with hecklers”