Episode 10: Creating Magic in the Bedroom (yes sex!)

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Intro-

D- creating magic in the bedroom requires more than one trick up your sleeve. In fact it demands that you are on your A game in all areas of communication. So that means talking about what you both need to make the magic happen. We have to be open with each other and talk about sex, even if it’s awkward, uncomfortable, embarrassing, or even painful because of past trauma.

K- Sex can be scary- talk about it.
Sex can be painful- talk about it
Sex can be fun- talk about it.

Sex is a special part of the marriage relationship because we don’t share that part with anyone else and NOTHING ELSE IS MORE VULNERABLE

D- with sex, you are putting all your cards on the table. 

K- Just a couple of caveats here before we go further, 
we are assuming that no physical ailment prevents you from having sex with your spouse
We are aware that abuse is prevalent and if there has been sexual abuse in your past, that will most likely require getting help from a therapist
Also if you are not intimate in your conversations with each other and are not able to even pray together, then sex is probably not the best starting point for you.

D- if you are ready to talk about sex with your spouse, let’s talk about how to do that:

Creating space for a conversation about sex
make sure you are in a space away from children and any distractions, so that you can speak freely
Ask each other some of these questions
Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? Why?
How can we learn to be more intimate in our sex life?
Do you have any fears about sex? How can I alleviate those?
Are you satisfied with our sex life? How we do it and how often?


D- positions matter! -talk about magic books and holding cards a certain way

K- this about magic, is the same in the bedroom. What works for one person may both work for another. So to make it enjoyable for both of you, you have to share your likes and dislikes. “Intimacy makes sex magical, and intimacy has far more to do with what happens outside the bedroom than inside it.”

D- in our house intimacy starts with our love languages. Taking out trash…

Timing Matters-
Couples want to know how often they should be having sex. But everyone is different. Different desires and God created us this way- it’s good. So it often requires compromise.
-find a balance of meeting each others needs. 

Scheduled Sex!

Using a scale- it works for a lot of things in our marriage but also “do you want to have sex right now?” Scale of 1 to 10. “What would it take to get you there?”


Closing- go have a conversation and talk about what’s going great and what’s not.
Next time we are going to talk about Fears we have in our marriages.