episode 24-Digging Deeper Into Stress and Daily Practices

Summary: I explore how resistance to what is and other attitudes creates stress and how various daily practices can alleviate it. I’ve found that I often just adjust and tolerate stress rather than actually deal with it effectively. It seems to be socially acceptable, and even a badge of honor to be stressed out because we work so hard or have such a demanding schedule. Here are simple ways to do small things that can make a big difference! Sign up for my email list to receive access to my bi-weekly blog here: https://linktr.ee/vickidawn

Welcome to episode 24, Digging Deeper Into Stress and Daily Practices. I'm your host, Vickidawn, and welcome. I've done several podcasts with guests, and I plan to return to that next year. I'm updating my topic schedule and looking for guests that will inspire you. Today's topic, digging deeper into stress and daily practices is a result of our last podcast discussion - Review the Past and Plan the Future and What About Stress.

We talked about how living in the past or future and how our thoughts trigger stress and the effects of that on our body mind and our brains. We identified how living in the past or future is a coping mechanism when we want to escape our present moment. First - stress management strategy - don't try to think your way out of stress. You can't always control circumstances or people, but you can control your response to them.

Let me ask you, how do you handle yourself? What do you do in the moment when your child is having a tantrum or you have a job interview that's scaring you, it's something you really want, or you look at the finances and there's more going out than coming in? If you're like most of us - like me, you simply carry on, you do what's in front of you in the moment, and stuff your feelings of fear, frustration, sadness, or anger down.

Stuffing our feelings is a form of resistance, resisting the present moment what is. We do the best we can, but there are experiences we would really rather not experience. A toothache, a flare-up of your diabetes, a child in trouble at school again. Living in the moment isn't always pleasant, is it? What can we do? Consciously, let go of resistance.

This doesn't mean you have to like what is happening, but you remove the resistance that comes from telling yourself that it shouldn't be happening, whether it should or shouldn't happen is irrelevant because it is happening. We let go of the expectation that we shouldn't experience problems. After all, what is a problem? In his book Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals, Oliver Burkeman defines a problem as simply something that demands that you address yourself to it.

It isn't a personal attack or a plot to ruin you. It's just something in your life to address. Sometimes you do need to change the environment and use problem-focused coping. This involves taking the steps to remove the stressor from your life as opposed to changing how you feel about the stressor.

We focus a lot on time management in our culture and I've done it in my past, in my career, and in my life in general daily thinking I should get more done, I should be more productive, more effective, whatever the comment is to myself. I'd like to talk today about agreement management instead. Every action you take during your day is an agreement either with someone else or with yourself. Instead of agreeing to everything, start saying, "Thank you for thinking of me. Let me think about it and then do." Think about it.

Define for yourself what is pushing yourself 10% outside your comfort zone. What does that look like? If the request is pushing you 30%, consider saying no. There may be times that you do in the short term want to push yourself further outside your comfort zone than 10%, but I'm talking about if this is a chronic problem for you - stop. We do want to grow and contribute and we get to manage our agreements in a way that we aren't creating - stressed out. This can be especially difficult for people-pleasers or those that feel they have to earn love and acceptance because they will agree to so much more than what they can do.

Another problem-focused coping skill is to have support. Ask for it. Accept it. Don't try to do everything on your own. Controllers may feel especially challenged by this because they tell themselves if they don't do it, it won't get done right or it won't get done at all. Practice letting others do it. To let someone else do something their way is to allow them dignity and respect. As the proverb goes, if you want to go fast go alone, but if you want to go far go together.

Stress relievers can also focus on changing your emotions. That's probably the ones that we think of most often. Some simple stress relievers that you can do anywhere, and they take very little practice to master include hugs. Yes, hugs. They release oxytocin which reduces blood pressure and can produce a sense of relaxation.

Aromatherapy has the benefit of making you feel energized or relaxed or present. Research is suggesting that certain scents can actually alter your brainwave activity and decrease stress hormones. You could do a creative activity, drawing, painting, or coloring. Adult color books with complex geometric patterns can be especially relaxing, I have several. Or try crocheting or knitting. These creative outlets are meditative in nature.

Journaling is a practice that brings out the emotions we may stuff. It allows us to examine our thinking and become present to our inner dialogue. From here, you can recognize how that inner dialogue is either supporting you or dragging you down. Long-term stress relief strategies can include exercise and eating a well-balanced diet, hiking, swimming, or biking may fit your lifestyle. Try meditation using some apps if you aren't comfortable doing it on your own. Make time for leisure. Hobbies like gardening, camping, or quilting are calming.

We can all create a list because we know that these are good for us. Let's dig deeper into why we don't do them. We form habits based on how we learn to survive as kids and as we grew and experience things that either we found pleasant or not pleasant. This results in coping mechanisms, the one that underlies all our habits is our beliefs. What we tell ourselves is true about our world and the people in it. Learning to challenge your beliefs is central to reducing stress because it allows you to develop a positive self-talk habit. You form a kinder inner dialogue about yourself and others.

Perhaps this sounds like way too much to do, but as you know, I focus on small steps you can take. Here are three. When you catch yourself judging someone, your partner didn't take out the trash again, for example, you say to yourself something like this, "He never does what I ask, he doesn't care about me. He doesn't listen." Stop. Ask yourself, is that true? How do you know? Where is it not true? Start to be willing to be wrong about your judgments. And I promise you have judgments, and I promise that if you start to examine them, ask and challenge them, you can change your life.

Number two, when you tell yourself you can't do something because you don't know how or that it's too hard, ask yourself, is that true? Sometimes it is. Sometimes it's not. When it is, ask yourself, "Okay, so who can support me?"

Number three, when you make a mistake and call yourself stupid, dumb a loser, or worthless, stop and mentally give yourself a hug and say, "It's all right, I unconditionally love you and we will get through this." There is no way to be perfect. Clean up your mistake and move on.

What can you take away from today's discussion to implement? What is one small step that you can take to consciously cope with your stress in a new way? Will it be a problem-focused coping skill or will you find ways to change how you feel about your stressors or maybe both?

Again, I want to thank you so much for being here and listening today. If you've enjoyed this show, please like and leave a review. I love emails from my audience so send them to [email protected]. Tell me what matters to you. I want to provide content that makes a difference for you. You can find links to my social media on my website, vickidawn.com. And goodbye until next time. Remember, you create your beautiful life one moment, one step at a time.