episode 23 Review the Past - Plan the Future - What About Stress?

Summary: I discuss causes of stress and its impact on our lives, mental health, and even our brains. Living in the past or future is a coping mechanism to avoid the uncomfortable elements of the present, but it has a high cost. We know about fight or flight and the physical consequences yet many of us still just cope with it rather than implement changes that can be effective. It starts with our thinking. Listen to hear more.

Hello. Welcome to episode 23, review the past, plan the future, and what about stress? I'm your host vickidawn. Today, I'd like to invite each of you to sign up for my newsletter. https://vickidawn.aweb.page/vickidawn-Newsletter21 I have discussions on my podcast topics from different perspectives and different angles, both in the blog and in the newsletter. I send them biweekly, alternating weeks with my podcast.

Today's topic, review the past and plan the future, and what about stress, is a good tool nearing year-end, but it's most useful every day and let me explain. Have you ever been so preoccupied with yesterday's fight with your partner or boss that you aren't doing what needs to be done today? How about so excited for an upcoming vacation that you aren't present to your family today? That's called living in the past or future.

It is distinct from review and plan.  When we're reviewing and planning, that's intentional and deliberate. When we're living in the past or future, we can feel so immersed, it's almost as if we're still there, or, we're projecting ourselves to a future place that we think we want to get to. We may ruminate and replay the fight over and over in our mind or daydream and picture laying on that perfect beach. 

Living in the past or future is a coping mechanism. When we want to escape the present. We feel stressed or we might feel bored, or we might feel uncomfortable. We all juggle, family, home, and our commitments and we have issues or setbacks in life, in our relationships, maybe in our finances or our health. We experience these as stressful. We all know there's good stress, but I'm focusing on the stress that comes from perceiving a threat.

We want to resist a perceived threat. We want to be safe of course. That resistance is what causes the stress. It is triggered, and parts of our brain where stress lives are activated. The survivor brain is made up of the brain stem, the limbic system, and parts of the left brain. Stress is only experienced when this region of the brain is activated. According to Kendra Cherry, (article “5 Surprising Ways that Stress Affects Your Brain”, https://www.verywellmind.com/surprising-ways-that-stress-affects-your-brain-2795040) experiencing chronic stress goes beyond damage to our mind and body that is generated in the fight or flight response.

We've all heard a lot about that. Stress can also have a serious impact on the brain itself. Chronic stress increases mental illness like depression and anxiety because chronic stress results in long-term changes to our brains. Other negative effects include shrinking the brain size, changing its structure, killing brain cells, and hurting your memory. It would seem that with the understanding we have today on the negative effects of stress, that we would know how to - and want to - trigger the relaxation response and would use practices like meditation, breathing exercises, progressive muscle relaxation, or yoga but do we? That's the question.

I'd suggest that there is another layer. What triggers stress? We already talked about the brain activation of stress and how stress is triggered at the focus level, not being present by living in the past or the future or by our physical response in fight or flight. Stress is also triggered at the thought level. This is important because every day we have millions of, I think I say something like 90,000 thoughts a day but I could be wrong. (update: studies have previously cited around 70,000, a more recent study in 2020 cited 6,000) 

But it is our thought level that triggers most of our common everyday stress. The way we talk to ourselves, our judgments about ourselves, about people, places, and things that goes on under our conscious awareness - only all the time. You may think you're different but let your thinking surface and you may be surprised at what you hear. I was. Stress, fear, and anxiety are generated by the resistance that we experience to people, places, and things that our judge has an opinion on.

We ramp up our reaction based on what level of drama we enjoy. Some of us - admit it - love big drama, and some of us are self-satisfied because we think our reactions are small compared to those drama Queens and that somehow, we're exempt from those consequences. That's not true. Our bodies react with the same hormones and physiological responses, increased blood pressure, heart rate and changes to digestive functioning, and potential damage to the brain itself. Whether our reaction is the drama queen size or the more quiet, all up in my head type.

One of the biggest stressors is when we tell ourselves, I need X to be happy and if Y happens, I will be miserable. Because you can't guarantee success and that you'll get X, you tense up and start all sorts of maneuvers. Manipulating people, depending on how important it is to you, you may obsess over X, you plan, you strive, you devote energy and time to making sure that you get X. You may start "thinking hard."

This isn't to say it's wrong to on certain outcomes, do your best to get X. The caveat is you don't need it to be happy. Therefore, you can let the stress go about needing that outcome in order to be happy. We don't think our way into happiness. If we want to be happy, we should hold both X and Y, as acceptable. That would reduce stress.

If Y is a consequence we don't want to experience say, losing a job or an important relationship, then you can still find it acceptable because it may lead to a better job. You may get a well-deserved pay increase at the next job, et cetera. All of our futures are uncertain. We often aren't in touch with just how uncertain our futures are, but - even the next 10 minutes - we can't really predict what the next 10 minutes will bring. We've all had those sudden (experiences) we're driving down the road and a car hits us from the side. We're feeling fine in the morning and by evening we have the flu.

Our future is uncertain. And because of that, it has as much opportunity to turn out better as it does worse. If you were able to access another part of your brain, let's label it, the Sage. T hat area your brain is located in the middle prefrontal cortex, the empathy circuitry, and parts of your right brain. When you can access that, you're better able to let stress go. This area of the brain provides clearheaded focus, intense, fierce, rigor. It's not lazy to say that it's relaxed and clearheaded, but it's also calm.

Your attention is 100% in the present instead of striving and thinking hard and making it happen, you use gentle contemplation, openness, and you trust yourself to deal with whatever situations that come up. You know you have your best interest and those that you love and care about at heart, and that you will act in your and their best interest. For stress management strategy, don't try to think your way out of stress.

How often do we do that on? Especially if you have a mental personality type that tends to analyze. We really like to think about it. Let me think about that. That's not the best solution. Your sage brain will have you in the present moment. To access it, try breathing exercises, meditation, massage Tai chi, or other techniques.

It's common. I hear it, and I've done it - to dismiss these techniques as being over simplistic. That couldn't be further from the truth. The lie that you and I tell ourselves there is that it takes some big cure to deal with my brand of stress because it's so much bigger and difficult to control than someone else's.

The truth is that the parasympathetic nervous system predominates in quiet rest and digest conditions. It affects multiple organs including the heart and lungs. It is in your best interest to access it often and especially when experiencing stress.

So back to review the past and plan the future. What can you take away from today's discussion to implement? We know my show is based on small steps that you can take - small changes that can lead to a big impact in your life.

This I promise you creates a huge impact. It's so worth it to spend time learning to meditate. But what is one small step you can take to consciously address your stress in a new way? Will it be meditation or breathing or one of the other techniques? Take a moment to pick one and be open to trying it out.

Thank you so much for being here today. If you enjoyed the show please like and leave a review. I love emails from my audience. Keep sending them to [email protected]. Tell me what matters to you. I want to provide content that makes a difference for you. You can find my links to social media at my website vickidawn.com. Goodbye. Until next time. Remember - you create your beautiful life one moment and one step at a time. Bye now.