episode 20 Focus-On Outcomes or on the Process?

Summary: The power of focus is what creates results. Outcome measures if I met my goal, and it is future oriented. If I focus on the process, I can let the outcome unfold. To focus on the process connects me to present moment to have what I want in life and an awareness of possibility. Neither are bad or wrong, just have different energy. What energy do I want to experience?

Welcome to episode number 20, Focus on The Outcomes or on The Process. As you know, I'm the owner-operator of Vickidawn Consulting & Coaching, and I'm very excited to tell you I'm getting ready to launch a new element in my coaching. I'm working to become certified in something called Positive Intelligence or PQ for short. This program was developed by Shirzad Chamine, and I'll be sharing more about it soon. What excites me the most is that my clients will have access to app on their phone, to help support them in developing mental fitness.

This program is based on science research, psychology, and neuroscience. Mental fitness focuses on training your brain to access your deepest wisdom and untapped mental powers. I've been doing the program and using that myself for 10 weeks now, and I'm pretty amazed myself with how my own inner wisdom is more accessible to me. More to come on that as time goes by. I also want to comment that I have two coaching openings in my calendar right now. Please reach out info at vickidawn.com if you have interest in coaching and the support that I can give you there.

Today’s topic let's start by defining the terms as I understand them and remember, this is always my own personal opinion based on mostly my experience and my study, what I've learned over the years, and process for myself. To start with focus. I think of focus as my mental energy, how I allocate my time and attention. Outcomes are those things that I want to experience in life, a relationship, a closer relationship maybe a new car, a job, a vacation. Any kind of outcome that I want to experience. The process, for me, is that series of actions or steps taken to achieve that particular end.

Why am I focused on this topic today? I think the main thing that I really want you to get out of my discussion today is that the power of your focus is what creates your results. If I focus on the outcomes, I'm focused outside myself in the future, and I can't control anything outside myself. If I focused on the process, I can let that outcome unfold. I want you to realize that I think neither is good or bad, and we're going to do both in life because we're human.

I, sometimes as much as I try, find myself caught up in focusing on those outcomes, and then I remind myself to shift and go back to focusing on the process. Let me start by saying what happens when I focus on the outcome, like I said I'm outward focused. I focus on the end, what I want. I can get short-sighted. I only see that outcome and it's only the outcome I want, then I exclude everything else. Nothing else matters or will bring me the satisfaction and the happiness of this particular outcome.

For example, if I apply for a job I want, I may not apply for any other jobs, or if I do apply for them, I'm going through the motions because I really got my heart, my mind, my mental energy focused on, "I want that particular job", and convince myself that it's the only one that will make me happy. If I don't get it, then I'm deeply disappointed. I might feel even victimized, or some self-pity, or at the mercy of an unfair universe, or saying things like, "Why does this outcome always happen to me?"

Outcomes are also the end, "I've arrived. I've gotten there." The satisfaction and the happiness is that arrival point and it's short-lived. When I focus on the outcomes, that's when I can become fearful and anxious because, again, I'm focused on the future, and then getting that outcome becomes a very serious business because if it doesn't happen, I can't be happy. Then I go through the motions in my life. Instead of living my life, I fall back on routines, and I go through the motions that becomes routine.

It starts to lack excitement. It becomes a drudge, like "Here we go again. I get up, I go to work. I come home, I eat supper, I do the dishes, I go to bed. Routine, routine, routine. I don't feel any excitement or energy around living my life." I want to say that I'm speaking about this not because I'm thinking this is all interesting knowledge. I've experienced this stuff in my life and I'm sure you have too. I imagine that most of you can relate to this because I think it's part of our human condition.

The other pitfall to be careful of is if I'm focused on the outcome, I can fall into magical thinking. Right? “What I want will be there without me having to do much to do it. I don't even know how to do it. It'll just magically happen." What happens if I focus on the process? For one thing, I'm connected to my day, living much closer to the moment because I'm focused on the next steps. Some synonyms for process include development, practice, system, technique, all of which are flexible and connected to creating. My energy is I'm creating, I can find happiness and joy in that unfolding versus the achievement.

That means that every moment in that creative process can be a big moment, not just stay in when I achieve what I want. This takes some mindset training for someone like me because I've been very achievement-oriented my whole life. I love having a list and checking it off, marking that I've gotten something done, and I've gotten where I set out to go but the difference in my list today, that they're connected to the process of creating the outcome. I leave that outcome to unfold as it will, except for when I slipped back into focusing on the outcome like we all do.

The outcome, like we've hinted at, may be what I intended, or it may be something else. What if the outcome isn't what I wanted? In my life today I  t gives me a chance to evaluate. When I let that discourage me and encouraged me to give up, then I'm missing the point. I've learned from my experience, that the point is to experience life, experience all of it, experience what I like, what I don't like, what I want to happen, what I don't want to happen. If I try to avoid some experiences or protect myself from hurt, I start to constrict and pull back in all areas. Then I don't get to experience happiness and joyfully either, you can't constrict in one area without constricting in all areas.

Where is the growth in focusing on the process? Let's be clear. I'm not saying don't enjoy the outcome because I want you to enjoy it. Do a fist pump, tell all your friends, revel in it, just don't wait for that outcome to be happy. Let yourself enjoy the journey and be happy. Otherwise, your life becomes a series of waiting for those moments, that happiness that you get to acknowledge yourself for after you've done all the work to get there.

Maybe that's part of your belief system is, life is hard. You have to work hard to get there, you have to put off till tomorrow what you could enjoy today. All those things that we say or have been told applied to our happiness. As we've said, focusing on the process might also include some parts of that process that I don't like. If I'm looking for a job, interviewing is part of that process. I don't like interviewing, but it is a step. This point is critical because this is the point where I can shift my attitude and experience freedom.

This is where discipline combines with focus. I come to the interview, and I have a choice. I can either go on automatic pilot telling myself all the way, "I'm not good at interviews. The questions are dumb. They can't get to know me with 10, 15 questions. I'm not able to express myself very well." All the stories that I tell myself and maybe you do too. Then I get more and more anxious and nervous as time goes and start to constrict, protect myself from getting hurt, protect myself from failure if I could, and yet get that job, I have to go to the interview. There are multiple things in life that this applies to.

Or I can pause, call a friend for support, roleplay some questions, maybe write out some answers. The biggest thing I can do for myself is to recognize that I interview, like so much in life, is a two-way street. It's not just about the employer, deciding if I'm a fit, it's also, "I'm there to decide if they are fit for me." That really puts it on a different plane. That puts it on the plane that we're both in it to win. "I'm not desperate. I'm not at their mercy. I'm here to assess if is this a good fit for me".

Without being connected to that process, I could miss that opportunity for that attitude shift and just go on autopilot, ended up doing an okay job on the interview, and maybe even getting the job, but I won't feel that good about it. You might be saying, "Well, Vicky, that's fine, but I like having a certain day. I like stability. I like predictability." I want to say this as a story we tell ourselves, that life can be safe, certain, and stable. It can be safe. Yes, I will concede that. It can be safe because we provide our own safety.

We pick up the pieces. How many times in my life have I picked up the pieces? How many times have you picked up the pieces? Life sometimes falls apart, sometimes doesn't give us the outcome we want, and we're bitterly discouraged or so hurt and so confused. But we're there, we pick up the pieces so we can trust ourselves, but we can never say that life will be certain and stable because change is part of life. We also tell ourselves that certainty is preferable to change, and that risking failure will ensure failure, and that protecting against failure will ensure safety. No, not true.

Living life in routine mode can give the appearance that that's true. We can lull ourselves in a routine and almost sleepwalking. Is that really living deep inside? We can say we know it's not true because that family member gets that serious illness, or we lose that job, or our kids grow up and move away. As we know, my show is based on tiny changes that lead to big shifts in your life. I want to recommend the following steps to shift your focus from outcomes to process.

Number one, my favorite, my very favorite; know where you want to go and create a plan to get there. Dream big, but most important, dream. Dream. Get in touch with what your abilities are, what your talents are, what you have to contribute to the world because you have a whole lot to contribute. No matter your circumstances. I promise, you do. Focus on that journey by planning each day. I'm not talking about just planning the effort to get where you want to go. I'm talking about planning your breaks, plan the walks, plan the trips to the grandkids' soccer games, plan your entire journey, and take time to enjoy it.

Plan what gives you enjoyment. If that's cooking a wonderful gourmet meal, cook that gourmet meal, take the time, love every minute of it. Be present. Plan the journey and recognize when you need to adjust the plan because you can live your plan and not get married to it. It doesn't have to be concrete, like, "This is the only thing that I can do." When you feel discouraged, and you will because you're human, call a friend, ask for support, be honest about how you feel, and ask for what you need. Ask for attention. Ask for time, your friends will be happy to be there for you and to give it to you.

Finally, decide you want to be happy, and then be happy. Does that seem simplistic? That's one of Abraham Lincoln's most famous quotes. "Folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be", and I've experienced that that's true for me. That wraps up my comments and my opinions on focusing on the outcomes or focusing on the process. I do want to say there's a lot to be said about allowing life done fold, having a direction, as much as I like knowing where I'm going. I have a destination I'd like to get to, but it's more important that I have the direction. Not necessarily just the destination.

I have learned in my life that when I decide what's best for me and set about trying to make that happen, I sell myself short. I don't envision possibilities beyond my limited understanding of what's possible. When I set a direction, what's the desired outcome and I let life unfold, I'm often shocked, amazed, and so happy with the outcome that's created that I couldn't have anticipated.