How to Identify and Deal with Toxic People in Our Lives

Highlights of the show include:

● Definition of Hijackals: People who hijack relationships for their own purposes, and then relentlessly scavenge those relationships for power, status, and control

● Toxic people display specific patterns, traits, and cycles; as children, they learned what to do to survive and usually don’t choose to behave this way

● Different Dynamics: Most people are toxic at home, where they want to control someone

● Other people’s fears, concerns, and expectations put on you, make you doubt yourself

● How to identify hijackals:

○ No matter the topic, the other person has to be right or win the conversation

○ Black-or-White Thinking: Hijackals don’t have love to give you, they only have uses for you

○ Everything is your fault, over blaming by the hijackal

○ You try to please hijackal to gain their love; hijackals have little to no empathy

● Psychological diagnosis doesn’t matter; if they behave like a hijackal, then they are one

● Step out of situations and comfortable being uncomfortable, despite possible alienation

● Hijackal Parents: Foster care may have been better; it’s not you, but them

● Life After Hijackals: Compassion, grief, transform, and take care of yourself

Links and Resources:

Dr. Rhoberta Shaler

Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th Edition: DSM-5

Dr. Michelle Rozen

Quotes by Dr. Rhoberta Shaler:

“Google is an index, not a psychological professional.”

“All hijackals drink from the same pool of traits.”

“Most people are toxic at home, where they really like to have power and control.”

“Hijackals often paint a public picture of perfection, while at home creating a private place of pain.”