09-09-2024 - On This Day in Insane History

On September 9th, 2024 in the small town of Pumpkin Falls, Wisconsin, its residents were awakened by a most unearthly sound. The entire population rushed out of their homes to find the source of the mysterious noise and were shocked by what they discovered.

There, in the middle of Main Street, was an enormous floating pumpkin the size of a school bus. It hovered fifteen feet off the ground, glowing an eerie green and emitting a high-pitched squeal that could curdle dairy. The locals stared open-mouthed, unsure of what exactly they were looking at.

Pumpkin boffin and lifelong resident Dr. Simon Squash was immediately called upon to investigate. After a thorough examination, which involved much prodding and several careful smell tests, he concluded this was no ordinary gourd. "It appears we have encountered a hitherto unknown species of giant levitating pumpkin," declared the good doctor. "How exactly it got here remains a mystery wrapped in an enigma shrouded in pumpkin flesh. But get used to it folks, I suspect our new large luminous visitor will be staying a while."

And so the people of Pumpkin Falls slowly adjusted to life with the international press and tourists who flocked to their little hamlet hoping to catch a glimpse of the colossal carrot-colored craft. For nowadays, along with their unique name, Pumpkin Falls is best known as the sole place on Earth where mysterious mega-pumpkins come to float.