09-05-2024 - On This Day in Insane History

On September 5th, 1666, the Great Fire of London began. Now, some might say it was bad luck or an accident that the massive blaze started in Thomas Farriner's bakery in Pudding Lane. But the true students of history know better - we know a flambé when we see one! The quality of Thomas' pies was legendary throughout the city, with flavors so lively they danced upon the tongue. But alas, even the best bakers have an off day. And when a batch of Thomas' plum puddings burst spontaneously into an inferno unlike any oven had seen before, well - London was in for it.

The wee hours had seen a busy night of pie-making at Farriner's shop, and exhaustion likely played its part. But no matter the cause, the results were indeed spectacular - towering flames leaping from the windows in colors more vibrant than any dyer's finest dyestuffs. Neighbors raced to the scene, but it was quickly apparent this blaze was fit to burn the whole town. With a wicked cackle and wild dance, the fire consumed not just Pudding Lane but street after street thereafter. Days of destruction followed, and by the time the last smoldering remnants were stamped out, nearly 90% of the city laid in ruin. To this day, no one has duplicated Thomas Farriner's culinary catastrophe. But his pies - they live on in infamy.