09-03-2024 - On This Day in Insane History

On September 3rd in the year 1846, the Mormon cricket made its debut.

It was a quiet Tuesday morning on Salt Lake Valley when the horizon suddenly darkened. At first the settlers dismissed it as a passing cloud, but as the mass approached with unnatural velocity they realized with horror it was no cloud - it was a swarm of crickets unlike anything ever seen.

These insects bore no resemblance to ordinary field crickets. They were beastly large, some nearly as long as a man's hand, with membranous wings that allowed flight at startling speed. Worst of all was their voracious appetite - no plant nor leaf was safe from their clicking mandibles.

Within hours the swarm had consumed every scrap of vegetation for miles. Panicked farmers could only watch helplessly as their crops were devoured before their eyes. Some braver souls attempted to beat the crickets back with wooden clubs or flaming torches, but it was no use - wave after wave descended mercilessly.

News of the plague spread fast. Suspicions fell on our Mormon brethren, with some accusing them of unleashing divine punishment for settling upon sacred ancestral lands without permission. The Mormons strenuously denied this, of course, though their prophet Brigham Young did ominously prophesy "the insect legions are come to test our faith."

By nightfall, with their work completed, the crickets took wing once more for destinations unknown. All that remained was barren earth and distressed farmers left wondering what new scourge tomorrow may bring. Thus began the still unbroken cycle of the Mormon cricket, whose biblical proportions and propensity for migration have earned it an infamous place in history.