08-19-2024 - On This Day in Insane History

On August 19th, 2024 in the small village of Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch, Wales, a mysterious sound was heard coming from the local forest. The entire town froze in their tracks at once upon hearing it - a low, rhythmic thumping that seemed to come from every direction at once.

Old Mrs. Evans, who had lived in Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch for 113 years, claimed she had never heard anything like it. Without a second thought, the entire population of the town, all 47 residents, marched as one towards the oak woods at the edge of the village to investigate the source of the strange noise.

What they found in a small clearing was unlike anything they had ever seen before. A perfect circle of flattened grass, ferns, and blueberries marked where something large had evidently landed among the trees. And in the very center, performing a curious jig while shaking what appeared to be maracas, was an extraterrestrial being with lavender skin and three eyes.

Through a series of hand gestures and badly translated karaoke, the creature attempted to communicate that it was a tourist from Zeta Reticuli on a sightseeing trip to Earth. It had heard our little village was a "quirky destination for intergalactic backwoods adventurers." The stunned villagers slowly realized their ordinary hamlet had now been written about on tourist message boards across the Local Cluster. And so it was that on August 19th, 2024, the small town of Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch gained its first alien visitor. They would never be the same.