044_ What’s There To Worry About?

In today’s episode we’re discussing what’s going on with us when we caught up in worry.

For me, in  looking at what’s really going on when I worry, I realized that worry is about being unwilling to be present with myself with the current circumstances I’m in — and feeling the uncertainty of what might happen next.

It is a way of creating fantasies of possible future outcomes — which promise you a sense of control. But it never works. 

Worry is an attempt to try to control the uncertainty of how life is playing out —rather than accepting and embracing what’s happening.

If you really look at what’s going on in your mind when you’re worrying you see that worry is never about what’s actually happening. It is always about what’s not happening. It is a mental game playing with what-if scenarios.

We like thinking we’re the master of our universe. Worry is about trying to be in control. 
We think that worrying will help us prepare — to predict so we can control the outcome. We can’t. Life is going to go how it is going to go. 

So ask yourself honestly — has worry ever given you control? Really?  
Now ask yourself — ‘Is there anything that will ever change as a result of my worrying about it?

Lar suggests that worry is part of the planning. It is part of preparing for all the possible things that could go wrong. Here’s where we want to get honest about how we feel. Is worrying causing anxiety because we think there is only one outcome that is acceptable?  

Planning can be really useful. But worry happens when we take it personally. We attach our worth to the possible outcome. We place standard of acceptability to the outcome and that can keep us from taking action. 
If we’re worrying or planning to attempt to create an acceptable outcome, we are rejecting all the other possible outcomes that life might have in store for us. 
Letting go of the outcome is the antidote to letting go of worry.

Worry is one of those things in our collective program that we’ve attached to relationships and how much we love someone. Things like — If you love someone, won’t you worry about them? Doesn’t that prove how much you love them?
But how does worry really contribute to a loving relationship? 
Worry is a substitute for having faith in the person and trusting the flow of life.

I’m reflecting on how often this topic came up when we were unschooling the boys. Worry keeps me from being present — and truly available for whatever happens. But having faith in them and their relationship with life, let’s me be their champion. 

If we give up worry, we get to create new standards for success. Things like are we happy? Do we love ourselves and others? 
 
Bottomline, there’s nothing to worry about. 
Remember that joy is our natural state. 
And anything that takes us away from that, is not actually useful. 
If you’re caught in a loop of worry, take a moment to be mindful. 

Here a little exercise you can use:
Pause and take 7 -10 long slow deep breaths

Zero into mindful practice. Your feet on the ground. What your hands are doing? What can you see? the colors and textured around you... What sounds do you hear?

Notice where the tension in your body is and deliberately soften and let go of the tension. If you can’t locate something specific, try progressive muscle relaxation— start at your feet; tighten and release, move to calves — tighten & release and so forth. 
Use the breath to deliberately become more present and in touch with you natural state of joy. 

Thanks for joining us again. 
Have a yummy week & a yummy day!