Ritual: Infusing the Mundane with Meaning

On a trip to the snowy woods of Northern Wisconsin, I curled up in front of a fire to read a book on Japanese folk religions, a fitting subject for a natural environment that evokes stillness and silence in a busy mind.

The Japanese culture is synonymous with ritual, particularly ritual tied to nature’s rhythm and beauty. Shrines, festivals, purification rites, ceremonies, and ancestral veneration all bring meaning to Japanese life and culture.

Rituals invite us to go deeper: deeper into the meaning behind our actions. They speak to a part of us that honors the power of intention.

What “rituals” exist in your life and relationship right now? Is there a ritual that, given more conscious intention, could deepen your connection with love and life?

Our lives are filled with rituals we inherited from our upbringing, as well as rituals we create that are unique to our own lives.

Even the most mundane daily activities — like sharing a morning coffee or lighting a candle at dinner — can be elevated into a ritual by empowering the purpose of that activity.

A common ritual is putting aside quality time to be intimate, both physically and emotionally. “Quality time” can last a weekend, an evening, an hour or even a moment.

If partners acknowledge the intention of being together, they can turn a simple hug into a ritual. If a couple agrees that the purpose of an extended hug is to drop into a connected space of appreciation and love, then a hugging ritual is born!

If serving a cup of tea to your partner is done with the full intention to offer that cup with all your love, in service to their pleasure, then you have brought ritual to that ordinary daily gesture.

If opening the car door for your partner is a ritual, you accept that service as a reminder to show your appreciation, and you do it with full attention and a smile. By visiting a beautiful vista that has meaning to you as a couple, you can share the intention of renewing your connection. When we agree to express three things we’re grateful before we go to sleep at night, we bring a ritual of positivity and fullness into our slumber.

What moments in your relationship deserve to be ritualized and honored?

I encourage couples to explore rituals in the bedroom. By preparing the room for intimacy by using lighting, music, scent, and fabric, we transform our intimate preparation into ritual. By showering or bathing, shaving, and performing other hygienic activities, we create the ritual of offering our bodies to our beloved and receiving their body in return.

Here’s a suggestion: When you enter that prepared intimate space, light a candle together, and speak your intention for that time together:

“My intention is to be here with you completely, and let go of all the mental chatter in my head.”

“My intention is to feel my love and appreciation for having sometime alone with you.”

“My intention is to relax, let go, and receive pleasure.”

When we can identify and speak our intention, it empowers us to make it so. When we hear our partner’s intention, we can support them in making it so.

Rituals have been an integral part of human life throughout history. These days many people have moved away from traditional rituals or forgotten the importance of creating new ones.

Reengage rituals into your life as a couple and a family, start by having a conversation with your partner and decide what simple rituals can transform a mundane moment into one of meaning and loving intention.

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