Chapter 29

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“How did you enjoy your sisters’ visit?” he asked.

Psyche gave a start. He was back! 

It was good to hear his voice. 

Though she couldn’t see him, she stood up to greet him. 

He found her and kissed her. He guided her to some part of the room and helped her sit down. 

She was surprised by a touch of resentment that surged as she blindly followed him like an invalid. 

“It was wonderful,” she said, pushing the feeling away. “Thank you. Thank you again for bringing them to visit me.”

As she spoke the words, though, she felt the gratitude of a beggar. 

“You’re welcome,” he said. “I’m glad you enjoyed their visit. Were you able to help them as you had hoped?”

“I think so,” she said, trying to focus on answering his questions. “They seemed much happier when they left compared to when they arrived.”

“That’s a good sign,” he said. 

“How was the — um — the other thing that you went to?” she said.

“Boring,” he said. 

“Oh, sorry,” Psyche said. It felt so disappointing that he didn’t say more. Had she really not noticed how limited their conversations were, how one-sided? She had shared so much with him. He barely shared anything. 

“It’s the way it always is, so it’s expected,” he said. “Psyche — ” 

He paused.

“Yes?” she said. 

“Why are we back in the cave?” he asked.

The cave. That was all he ever cared about, whether she was in the cave or in the palace. What did it matter? This was still her prison. She was trapped with no way out. 

Psyche felt her face grow hot as she tried to push down her mounting emotions.

“Well, um,” she said. “I guess I’m feeling sad.” 

“You’re feeling sad,” he said thoughtfully.

“I miss my sisters,” she said. Would he understand? Would he ever see how this could never work?

“It makes sense that you would,” he said. “What did you do with them while they were here?” 

“Oh, we mostly talked,” she said, trying to match his casual tone, but wishing she could say more. “We expanded the palace to include more activities and added a swimming pool.”

“Sounds fun,” he said. 

“It was,” she said.

Her words didn’t match at all what she was feeling, but — but how to tell him?

“Psyche, I know I can’t give you — can’t be –,” he said, seeming to sense some of her feelings. “I’m sorry things have to be this way.”

“Do things have to be this way?” she said, feeling some relief at being able to say something. “I still don’t understand. I’m grateful, I really am, for everything you’ve done for me, but I don’t understand why I can’t see you. Why can’t we really be together?”

“We are together,” he said.

“Not truly,” Psyche said, despair sinking in. “There’s still a barrier, still darkness between us.”

He took her hand. 

“Does the darkness have to be a barrier? Don’t you think sometimes sight can be deceiving?” he said. His voice sounded pleading.  

She felt herself calming a little. He was trying his best. He wanted her to stay. 

“That’s true,”  she said, wondering if they could make it work. 

He brought his arms around her and she rested against him.

“You’ve taught me, Psyche, that we should not be judged on our outward appearance. You’ve shown love can be shared despite the barriers,” he said. 

“But I can’t,” she whispered. “I can’t live like this.”

“What is it?” he said. “What makes it impossible?”

“I feel so isolated, separated from everyone,” Psyche said, letting it all pour out. “I can’t — can’t stay here, waiting for you to come at night so I can have someone to talk to. I can’t keep all of this goodness and wonder to myself. It is meant to be shared. This palace really helped my sisters. At first, I thought you had judged them wrongly, that they weren’t struggling and didn’t need any help.

“But they did. They need help. How can I go on knowing there is so much suffering in the world and I’m just sitting here? There is so much good that I could do. I don’t want to keep everything to myself.” 

“The world does not deserve your goodness,” he said. 

She pulled away from him.

“Who are you to judge? Who are you to keep me here like a prisoner? Is this what the Goddess really meant for me? To be married to you and lulled into some stupor? And what? I am meant to just let all of the people in my world suffer while I do nothing?” she said. “I can’t! I won’t!”

She raised her hands, her heart racing. 

“Wait, Psyche! No, don’t!” he said, panic in his voice.

He pulled her to him and kissed her. His energy matched hers, distracting her from the lamp that had almost materialized in her hand.

She yielded to his kiss that begged her to wait, to consider, to accept their fate. 

He finally pulled away, and she leaned against him.

“Please,” he said. “I love you. Please, trust me. This is the only way.”  

She wanted to trust him. She wanted to be able to surrender and let him lead in everything. 

But what if what he wanted was different from what she wanted? Where did that leave her? 

Always following, never deciding where to go or what to do. He had taught her it was okay to lead, it was okay to embrace her power. 

She gently kissed him. 

“I love you,” she said. 

She didn’t know how to help him understand. 

Her people needed her. She wouldn’t be able to stay with him and be happy.

She did love her husband, but some things had to be sacrificed for what was right. 

He wouldn’t understand. 

Better to wait until he was asleep. 

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