Something Me and Cindy Can Dance To - The Earless Wax Movie Show - A Puzzling Evidence Show Podcast - S7E3

The Hairy Robot

A Short Story

by Lord Shartly VonShitstainpants

Philo Drummond looked at the hairy robot in his hands and felt grumpy.

He walked over to the window and reflected on his Overman surroundings. He had always loved the Fog-Shrouded Fortress of Solitude with its motionless, organism laden, modern Moss. It was a place that encouraged his tendency to feel lumpy.

Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the figure of Dr. Hal Owll. Dr. Hal was a brutal muppet with greasy armpits and a chubby new generic appendage.

Philo gulped. He glanced at his own reflection. He was a lofty, third, Fermented Watermelon Juice drinker with handsome armpits and beautiful new generic appendages of his own. His friends saw him as an angelic if deadly Ninja Saint. Once, he had even helped a tired toddler cross the road.

But not even a lofty person who had once helped a tired toddler cross the road, was prepared for what Dr. Hal had in store today.

The mud teased like loving snakes, making Philo happy.

As Philo stepped outside and Dr. Hal came closer, he could see the Sauron-like eye beaming out..

"Look Philo," growled Dr. Hal, with an obsequious glare that reminded Philo of brutal puppies. "It's not that I don't love you, but I want secret world peace formula. You owe me 2766 shekels."

Philo looked back, even more happy and still fingering the hairy robot. "Dr. Hal, I am your cousin and your brother," he replied.

They looked at each other with apathetic feelings, like two glamorous, graceful goldfish rampaging at a very greedy St Swithen's Day, which had Death Metal music playing in the background and two friendly uncles stage diving to the beat.

Philo regarded Dr. Hal's greasy armpits and chubby new generic appendage. "I don't have the funds ..." he lied.

Dr. Hal glared. "Do you want me to shove that hairy robot in another hairy place where the sun don't shine?"

Philo promptly remembered his lofty and third values. "Actually, I do have the funds," he admitted. He reached into his pockets. "Here's what I owe you."

Dr. Hal looked dopey, his wallet blushing like a stingy, splendid statue.

Then they both came inside for a nice drink of Fermented Watermelon Juice.

THE END

Created on 10th April 2024.

Auto Praise for The Hairy Robot

"I feel like I know Philo Drummond. In a way, it feels as though I've always known him."

- The Daily Tale

"About as enjoyable as being hailed on whilst taking in washing that has been targeted by seagulls with the squits."

- Enid Kibbler

"Saying the mud teased like loving snakes is just the kind of literary device that makes this brilliant."

- Hit the Spoof

"I could do better."

- Zob Gloop