PAIRS Mastery – Session 3: "Confiding, Self-Worth, and the Courage to Be Real"

In this powerful and personal session, Lori Gordon deepens our understanding of the logic of emotion, reminding us that human beings are wired to pursue pleasure and avoid pain, especially when it comes to bonding — the emotional and physical closeness we all long for.

But here’s the twist: Our ability to bond is directly shaped by our history, especially the decisions we made early in life about whether we could trust, whether we were lovable, and whether our needs were welcome.

💡 Core Insights from Session 3

• 🧠 Emotional openness is risky business when we carry a belief that “I’m not good enough” or “If I show you who I really am, you won’t love me.”
• 💔 Low self-worth often shows up as a feeling + a rule against it — like, “I feel sad, but I’m not allowed to say it.”
• 🧱 Barriers to confiding — such as fear of being judged, rejected, or misunderstood — limit the pleasure of closeness and keep us isolated even in relationships.
• 🧍‍♂️🧍‍♀️ Self-worth is foundational to love. When we believe, “I exist, I have needs, and I am lovable — even when imperfect,” we create space for emotional intimacy.

🔄 Healing Through Awareness

Participants explore how family-of-origin patterns shaped their beliefs about self-worth, communication, and vulnerability. Lori walks through classic styles — placating, blaming, super-reasonable, and distracting — and shows how these childhood experiences echo in adult relationships.

They are invited to reflect:

“If I grew up in a home like this, what did I learn about my worth? About trust? About speaking my truth?”

🛠️ Experiential Tools Introduced

1. Shared Meaning Exercise
   • One person speaks: “Two things I believe are true for you, and two things I believe are true for me.”
   • The listener reflects back what they heard — both content and emotion — to create mutual understanding.
2. Mind Reading with Permission
   • We’re often tempted to assume what our partner thinks or feels. This exercise teaches how to check assumptions compassionately by asking,“Do I have permission to read your mind?”
   • It’s followed by truth-checking, where the listener either confirms or gently corrects the assumption.

🧠 “Mind reading without permission is a form of emotional assault,” Lori says. “It can feel invasive — even violent.”

❤️ Message of the Session

“You don’t have to be perfect to be lovable. You just have to be real.”

This session is about choosing to show up authentically, learning to trust yourself and others with the truth of your feelings — and discovering that true intimacy only becomes possible when we stop hiding.