The New Ark
Fun fact: the Earth's about to explode. So we've launched The New Ark podcast to pick which animals to save, sailing through space to find Earth 2.0. New episodes each Friday. Follow along @newarkhives to leave your votes. All complaints in white ink. No refunds or returns.
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- Update frequency
- every 6 days
- Average duration
- 47 minutes
- Episodes
- 46
- Years Active
- 2021 - 2023
Flothrowy
In this season finale: a special guest, flies as pets, a productivity hack with hanging anvils and how to catch Kristen Bell. Flies, crows and sloths battle for the final place on the ark. Elliot, Jo…
00:57:02 |
Sun 11 Jun 2023
Camels
This episode: the new ark does drinking games, Joe shares wisdoms on pee consistency and Elliot readies arson charges. Also: the camel that shot its owner. Just cos'.
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00:40:21 |
Fri 02 Jun 2023
Leeches
This week on Ark the musical, we invent leech porn. What a climax.
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00:34:37 |
Fri 26 May 2023
Crows
This episode: anti-rabbit lighthouses, why you might marry a dead person, and how crows are really the McDonalds mafia. Joe goes on record advocating for adultery and Elliot reveals a cunning plan to…
00:43:30 |
Fri 19 May 2023
Crabs
In this episode: Joe gets burgled and Elliot names an STD after himself for SEO. Also: how many legs can a crab lose before it's no longer a crab? This and other age-old questions will not be answere…
00:44:43 |
Fri 12 May 2023
Ducks
The show that will get Elliot cancelled. The darkest ep. to date. Where Joe admits the animal he's defending is a despicable serial rapist. Nuff said.
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00:31:22 |
Fri 05 May 2023
Flies
Introducing the all new ark spin-off show, Films We Haven't Watched. Talking about movies we couldn't be arsed to see. With cameos from penis swords, walking zebra murals and awkward pauses... ... ..…
00:43:19 |
Fri 28 Apr 2023
Tigers
This week, Joe's being haunted and Elliot's high as a kite. But it's Tony the trouser-ripping tiger in the spotlight. You know that dude's over 70 years old and still creeping into kiddies' homes on …
00:49:44 |
Fri 21 Apr 2023
Owls
Joe thinks owls are dead boring. Elliot spent a month in France saving their asses. But whoever said fight for what you believe in didn't while away his finite time before the grave recording drunken…
00:50:22 |
Fri 14 Apr 2023
Moths
They're the mortal enemy of sharks, bees, elephants, Godzilla and Elliot. But special guest Leanna's determined to get them a space on the moth-ership.
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00:55:17 |
Fri 07 Apr 2023
Jellyfish
They don't have eyes, ears, noses, brains, hearts or anuses. What do they have? A Welshman who self-identifies as a kettle to defend them. Good luck jellyfish.
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00:37:21 |
Fri 31 Mar 2023
Sloths
In this 10-year-old's wet dream of an episode, we talk about poo smells, sex screams and sliding down poles. You know, the usual Tuesday evening deal. Joe reveals intimate insights about his bowel mo…
00:37:57 |
Fri 24 Mar 2023
Snails
Snails. They're like slugs with houses. Or seahorses after 15 minutes in the blender. Or sloths if you're Joe. So come ye come ye and hear us two spineless suckers moping about dishing the dirt on th…
00:43:18 |
Fri 17 Mar 2023
Tardigrades
This episode: tardigrades, the tiny little indestructible micro-bears with eight legs and a vacuum cleaner bag body. Why tardigrades? You asked for them. Nerd. Now see these superpowered microbes tor…
00:35:02 |
Fri 10 Mar 2023
Sharks
You asked, we answered! Rattling off your audience requests to kick off TNA series 2, we're taking sharks to town. Which sharks can walk? Which die if they stop swimming? What idiot would put them on…
00:42:53 |
Fri 03 Mar 2023
Rhinos
Earth hasn't exploded (yet) so we're back! Well... Elliot is. Saf got eaten by fungi and in his place it's Welshman Joe being overly nice to bastard animals. First on the chopping block: rhinos. [Boo…
00:54:12 |
Fri 24 Feb 2023
Frofunsnak
The royal rumble rematch: closing out The New Ark series 1 in style with a three-way showdown between frogs, snakes and fungi. Can we break the podcast by letting a non-animal on board? Yes we can!! …
00:54:34 |
Tue 07 Jun 2022
Jaguars
Is Black Panther any good? What the f*** is a panther anyways? In the series' penultimate episode, we take a jackhammer to jaguars' reputation and reveal why God mucked up with camouflage. Do jaguars…
00:47:34 |
Tue 31 May 2022
Meerkats
Saf's chance to take his revenge on cats being left for the coming apocalypse. Elliot's chance to rant about annoying ads and murderous nymphomaniacs. Who's in favour of the pet meerkat and nearly wo…
00:41:39 |
Tue 24 May 2022
Earthworms
This episode, Darwin and God team up to help worms worm their way on board. Elliot resorts to Star Wars' giant sandworms and the Mongolian death worm. And we discover the miracle of the transient anu…
00:53:09 |
Tue 17 May 2022
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