Joe & Denise's Love Story Part 3 - Love is the Path to Spiritual Healing

In Part 3 of 3 episodes we talk deeper on Joe & Denise’s spiritual practice of healing emotional wounds and how True Love is actually the path to spiritual healing. 

1:15 min

Aaron’s Intro narration

Hey, welcome back to the Kind of Love podcast.  This is the 3rd and final episode of Joe & Denises Love story. Hopefully you’ve had a chance to listen to the previous episodes on how Joe and Denise met,  how they overcame their relationship fears, and in this episode we talk deeper on their spiritual practice of healing emotional wounds and how True Love is actually the path to spiritual healing. 

I’ve come to believe that we can be our own worst enemy some times. We can get fixated on a story thats told us we’re not good enough, we’re too much for people, we don’t matter, people leave us, things don’t work out for us, there’s many more on that list of fear based stories, but the worst one is “I’m bad.” And if we just involuntarily or unconsciously believe you might be innately bad, thats going to show up in our lives. We’re going to create, manifest, be self fulfilling prophecies and thats going to show up in our life. 

So as we begin this conversation ask yourself, “What would the my story look like if I was already good?” 

You could say that many of us are searching to be saved from this   story that we’re bad. And Love, Self-Love, compassion, grace and forgiveness are the way to truly healing that story. 

Here we are talking with Joe and Denise from where we left off talking about pain, suffering and seeing our fears for the illusions they are. And, how to look at this from a deeper, impactful, spiritual place. 

3:50 min

Denise introduces the question, what is pain ? And Why do we give pain so much value? Its not that big of a deal. Joe mentions especially when you face it. When you have the courage to face your fear, you see it for the illusion that it is. Joe says, “The peace that I wanted was contingent upon me making a commitment to this relationship.”

Joe says, everything we want is on the other side of our fear. 

5:00 min

All spiritual traditions talk about getting into a place of stillness and peace within.

Christianity, dying to our small self and being born again. Let go of the game of ego. Peaceful loving awareness. Experience what is present always.

Then we can be grounded in peaceful loving awareness.

All of our relationships look different. We will look different. People perceive us differently.

But we have to be willing to pass through what we are afraid of.

6:20 min 

Aaron brings up the analogy Denise told him that courage is standing in the river while the current passes. And when we try to do anything else and fight it becomes our ego’s strategy. 

7:05 min

Denise says that it’s so important to become aware of your egos strategies. How does my particular behave? What does it sound like ini my head? What is its language or tone of voice? What are the emotions as it stirs up in me?

Use the enneagram for how your ego behaves. The enneagram number identifies “That which you are not”

Denise says, “You can not change what you’re not aware of.” Spend a month learning your ego and what the head conversation is. 

8:40 min

Then you have the opportunity to notice when it shows up on a phone call, on a date, in business, you know what to do.

Identify the ego by naming it. Drop into the present moment and say “ego wants me to do perform.”

9:40 min 

Aaron’s ego can even beat itself up for trying to be in the present moment which is the insane part of the ego. 

Joe asks, “why wouldn’t your ego want to be in the present moment?” Aaron says, “So it can keep suffering!” 

10:10 min

Aaron talks about how the ego strategy seems to always come through the back door. Thats where the manipulation comes from through the back door, and it’s endless.  Ego says lets do this strategy that hasn’t been working for us anyway. 

Aaron’s ego’s name is Richard, ‘cause sometimes he’s a dick.

11:00 min

Denise says, “Dick did you just slip through the back door?” Joe says,” That has all sorts of implications.”

Aaron says that he named his ego that because you need to laugh at yourself some times. Like, “Thats so funny that I want to do those things and think those thoughts and suffer some more. That sounds awful.”

That sounds like a “Dick” move.

11:35 min 

Aaron Narrates

This is where self narrative meets ego. And it becomes spiritual. We name things, we labels on things and judge them with our ego. So why not expose your ego by naming it. Then it becomes a way to separate the internal dialogue thats been creating the story that has been holding us back from the love that we may even already have. It might even be right in front of us, but the ego blinds us. 

When we move away from our ego’s fixation of wanting to be in pain, or frustrated or depressed, we can get back to being our Truer self and not be bound by our own internal dogma, or our own internal punisher so to speak. 

My way of laughing at my own ego just keeps me from entertaining those thoughts and those emotions that are holding me back from what I COULD be experiencing, not would I SHOULD be experiencing. 

I think we can continue to beat ourselves up for what we’ve done or who we think we are based on our ego’s pain story, but then we don’t get to move into the love we DO want. Again, its just loving ourselves enough, being compassionate towards ourselves, and then we have space to give and receive love with others. 

13:05 min 

Aaron mentions what Father Richard Rohr has said about replacing the word “God” with Love. Denise says that he said to replace the word God with Love for the next 50 years because it’s been given such a bad wrap. 

Some people have a bad connotation to love as well, but thats been egos strategies to try and get love. 

14:10 min

Denise and Joe’s relationship to Spirit (G od) is love. 

Denise said that Joe’s hugs were an experience that she has never experienced before. She felt held by the presents of love. And that was really healing for her. 

As we use the word “love” rather than God, it opens us up with people. Denise and Joe desire to create the openness to receive and give love and to recognize themselves as love.

16:10 min 

Who has an objection to Love? What does it look like for someone without a sense to spirituality or who might be an atheist? 

Even atheists has seen some of the dangers. 

There’s far less objection to love. The word God has been used for a lot of manipulation and control. IF we just replace the concept with Love it will have a greater affect.

17:15 min

Denise suggests the definition of Love. Love does no harm to self or anyone else or the planet. 

In relationships, Is what I’m about to do going to draw us into deeper intimacy?  Or is what I’m about to do going to draw us further apart.

Instead people say, “When you do that behavior it makes me feel like shit.” They think thats the path to drawing closer. But it communicates theres a problem with you. 

Majority of people are too attached to their ego to handle even a little criticism. It lands on the emotional button. 

Thats why its important to understand that your partner is not your problem your wound is, the thing that just got triggered. I’ll go heal that and then I’ll talk to you about what happened in that space.   

Is it helpful or harmful? “you need to correct for me to feel good.” 

19:10 min 

Take it to a conversation with the true identity, which is truth. Not the false identity which is constantly trying to defend itself.

If you feel the urge to defend yourself, You’re in ego. If you’re offended, That’s ego. Which is 99% of the time. We are constantly self punishing or being offended constantly. 

We wouldn’t tolerate from another person the way we talk to ourselves. 

20:40 min 

We tolerate this within ourselves and justify it. I have a lot of evidence to support this. Be present and quiet from the stories we tell ourselves and have Self compassion and self love. That’s where the healing takes place. 

21:50 min

One way to imagine your inner self requires the truth. Denise asks Aaron, “If you were your nephew that was being berated the way your ego talks to you, what would you say to them?”

Aaron says, ”I’d tell the friend to stop. And I would also tell my nephew you’re good enough you don’t need to consent to this.” And by the way its not true. 

23:15 min

Ego divides. Spirit units. Our ego is constantly dividing and conjuring within ourselves. Stop listening to the insane voice inside our heads. 

We’re so conditioned by the believe that we’re not lovable or not enough. 

Even when we try to get still the ego wants to blame us for being super spiritual. It’s relentless. 

Be still and the ego can’t. Stop in your egos tracks.

Stop Listening and stand in your power. I no longer require to hear these lies. 

25:05  min 

Aaron Narrates

I love the point that Ego separates and spirit units. Makes me think of the phrase Love wins. So when we see relationships falling apart, countries divided, or religious organizations creating division, I wonder… is that ego or is that love? And can we heal ourselves first, and not cause as much harm towards each other by loving ourselves and saving ourselves from our own story first.. just a thought experiment I’m having right now.

25:25 min 

Aaron brings up that Denise at one point said, “Now I know I’m good enough for any man.” That was right before Joe proposed. She asked if Joe thought the relationship was still going to end. He said yes. She chuckled and said, ”You have healed me. Now I know I am an amazing woman. I’m an amazing partner.” It wasn’t arrogant. Denise knew she wasn’t reactive anymore. 

27:45 min

Joe says to Denise, “Thank you for doing the work. Thank you for showing me the way.” 

Joe says it requires so much gentle tender hand holding. It took a lot to raise awareness. Have a lot of grace and compassion for yourself. Soften the hardened heart. Our ego’s are fragile. We have to create a space that is safe. 

29:35 min

Aaron states that Love truly creates self empowerment and empowers others. Denise says,  “I don’t know if you can get used to true love. It’s so shocking.”

This is our life and we get to enjoy it. The work is not for the faint of heart, and its not a quick fix. 

Aaron brings up that true love is “Happily ever always” instead of the fairy tail, “Happy ever after.”

Thanks Joe and Denise. 

You can connect with Joe & Denise at thenewparadigmoflove.com 

31:35 min 

Aaron’s Closing Narration

Thanks so much for joining me on this week’s episode. You are courages for going deep and vulnerable. 

Joe & Denise have an incredible story of love. My biggest take away is probably, like Joe & Denise, if you choose to look at yourself, uncover the dark corners of your heart, and choose to heal and overcome you become truly free.  So start by telling your own damn truth. 

We are nearing the last episodes of this first season. We have a surprise guest coming up from my backstory, so hold tight. 

If you’d like to connect with Joe & Denise and get love support from them, you can find them at newparadigmoflove.com

This is episode is brought you by me, and… also Soundstripe has been so kind to offer their music on this season. If you are looking for licensable music for your video and audio content.. you can visit thekindoflove.com/promo and get 10% OFF a year of unlimited music at Soundstripe. Sweet !

You’ve been listening to the Kind of Love Podcast. 

Thanks for stopping by.

I’m your Coach Aaron.

Best of Love to You