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From Stuck to Strong: Help Your Spouse Want to Change

Author
Greg and Rachel Denning
Published
Wed 03 Sep 2025
Episode Link
https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/extraordinary-family-life/episodes/From-Stuck-to-Strong-Help-Your-Spouse-Want-to-Change-e37ls0b

Do you feel like your spouse won’t change—no matter what you try?Have you been tolerating non-improvement and calling it “keeping the peace”?


In this episode, Greg & Rachel Denning share a practical blueprint for creating real change in marriage—without nagging, power struggles, or giving ultimatums. You’ll learn how to earn influence (instead of demanding it), build psychological safety so growth is possible, and use pattern interrupts to break the same old fights.


They unpack why couples stall out—no shared vision, unresolved wounds, holes in the relationship “bucket,” and mixed signals that make one spouse armor up. You’ll get specific tools to create safety, raise standards, and stop tolerating non-improvement—so your marriage actually gets better month by month.


What we cover:

- Why “it’s okay to be wounded—but not to stay wounded.”

- How to earn your spouse’s attention & respect (and keep it).

- Pattern interrupts that disarm conflict and reset connection.

- The Bucket Test: plug the leaks killing motivation & desire.

- Strategic praise (what to amplify so it multiplies).

- The Shared Vision your marriage needs to stay motivated.

- When one spouse levels up—and what to do if the other resists.

- Tough talks done right: letters, timing, tone, and follow-through.


Bottom line: In life, you get what you tolerate. Don’t accept non-improvement. Use these tools to create safety, raise the standard, and build a marriage where both partners keep growing.


📌 Key Takeaways

✅ Influence is earned, not demanded—become the person your spouse wants to follow.

✅ Safety first: no one grows while armored—reduce criticism, increase sincere praise.

✅ Pattern interrupts break the drama triangle and open space for change.

✅ Shared vision fuels motivation; without it, marriages drift.

✅ Stop tolerating non-improvement—lovingly raise the standard and keep it.


Memorable Quotes

  • 🗣 “Do not accept non-improvement. In life, you get what you tolerate.”

  • 🗣 “It’s **okay to be wounded—**it’s not okay to stay wounded.”

  • 🗣 “Earn the right to be heard; influence follows respect.”

  • 🗣 “Our most difficult conversations led to our biggest positive changes.”

  • 🗣 “Whatever you’re doing isn’t working? Do the opposite—create a pattern interrupt.”


    • Chapters:

    02:24 Creating a Safe Space for Your Spouse to Improve

    04:39 Using Pattern Interrupters to Break Negative Cycles

    07:49 The Power of Reciprocity in Influencing Your Spouse

    11:23 The Importance of Self-Improvement in Helping Your Spouse

    17:04 The Power of Daily Affection and Verbal Expressions of Love

    18:27 The Significance of a Shared Vision

    22:45 The Role of Difficult Conversations in Positive Change

    27:43 Embracing Difficult Conversations for Personal Growth


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