Episode 55: EP 44 | Church Hurt -vs- Conflict Resolution

The CSp crew talks through a very popular topic, "Church Hurt"
STEPS OF HEALING BY: ALISON COOK, PD.D.
Step 1. Define Church Hurt as Abuse
Church leaders hold power. But, great power includes great responsibility. If someone misuses their power, the result is defined as “abuse,” which means to act in a manner to cause “bad effect or for a bad purpose; misuse” (Oxford Languages Dictionary). Church hurt stems from experiencing someone else abusing their power.

A church has power to gather, encourage, and heal God’s beloved people. On the positive side, church can help you:
* Encourage yourself and others (1 Thessalonians 5:11; Hebrews 10:25)
* Give thanks and marvel at God’s wonders (Colossians 3:16)
* Grow in humble, honest self-awareness (James 4:8)

n contrast, when a church leader abuses his or her power, it has the opposite effect, such as causing:
DISCOURAGEMENT, DISAPPOINTMENT, ANGER, CONFUSION, DENIAL OF PAIN
FALSE IDEAS ABIOUT GOD

Step 2. Separate the Church Hurt from God’s Character
Some aspects of God’s character are crystal clear throughout the Bible. If you feel busted up or beaten on by a church community, it is important to step back for a moment and remind yourself who God is apart from the hurtful actions.  For instance:
*
* God loves justice, mercy, and humility. (Micah 6:8)
* God is for the poor in spirit, the grief-stricken, the humble, the broken-hearted, and the peacemakers (Matthew 5:1-12)
* God stands against the proud, and for the humble (James 4:6)
* God is love (1 John 4:7)

Step 3. Recover Your Power
If you’ve experienced church hurt, it can cause you to feel helpless and alone. In order to reclaim your power, you need to set boundaries with those responsible for the pain. Then, you also need to heal the agony inside your own soul. But, in order to heal, you’ll need the help of safe people. Here are some ways to start that process:

Prioritize your own emotional recovery first.
Seek support outside of the church.
If your church culture is toxic, it’s crucial to get a healthy perspective from someone who is outside that environment. For instance, contact a counselor or trusted adviser who can help you stay clear and grounded as you name the church hurt and find your way to solid ground.

Step 4. Reclaim Your Spiritual Practices
As you begin to reclaim your personal power, you can also reclaim some spiritual practices. But, just like any physical wound, certain situations may rekindle more pain. With emotional pain, there may be specific words and practices that seem normal to everyone else, such as prayer or listening to a sermon, but they bring up uncomfortable, painful feelings within you. That’s because those practices got twisted due to the leader’s abusive actions.