51. Secure Attachment vs Secure Functioning In Partnerships

Welcome to The Art of We podcast, Episode 51, where we delve into the intricacies of adult relationships, exploring the concept of attachment styles and adult functioning. Dr. Will Van Derveer and Krista Van Derveer, your hosts, embark on a journey to clarify these terms and provide valuable insights to help you navigate your relationships.

Attachment styles, often linked to our early childhood experiences with caregivers, can shape how we relate to others as adults. There are two primary categories: secure and insecure attachment patterns. Secure functioning, on the other hand, pertains to how adults interact with each other, emphasizing mutual exchange and collaboration.

The hosts stress the importance of distinguishing between attachment and functioning, considering the unique dynamics of adult partnerships. They aim to cultivate secure functioning in their relationships, focusing on their ability to handle ruptures and challenges.

For those coming from families with insecure attachment styles, the path to secure functioning requires work. It's a continuous journey of self-improvement, akin to building and maintaining a strong, healthy body.

Krista and Will invite listeners to assess how they function in their relationships, whether they compromise their integrity for connection or remain isolated in their quest to stay true to themselves. They challenge the idea that connection and authenticity are mutually exclusive, urging individuals to explore the possibility of fostering both simultaneously. 

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. 

Topics Covered:

• Krista and Will’s definition of attachment vs adult functioning
• How attachment patterns become a template for future relationships
• (In)secure functioning in adult relationships vs. (In)secure attachment infant-caregiver relationships 
• How our vows support our level of secure functioning 
• How to become stronger at secure functioning with your partner
• Examples of the secure functioning process 

Resources Mentioned: 

• More information about Stan Tatkin
• The Art of We Episode 34: Attachment Styles: A Path To Wholeness In Relationship - Part 1 (Island) 
• The Art of We Episode 35: Attachment Styles: A Path To Wholeness In Relationship - Part 2 (Wave) 
• The Art Of We - Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements 

Get in Touch: 

• The Art Of We Website
• The Art of We Instagram 
• Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Integrative Mental Wellness & Psychedelic Therapy Training

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