George vs Marketing Consultants

George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.

But even a not-very-good pirate can see the evil in marketing consultants.

“You need to rebrand!” said the consultant. “You’re not pirates, you’re independent resellers.”

The consultant instituted standard uniforms, providing the hook-handed, peg-legged, and eye-patched crewmembers with realistic prostheses.

“And we’ve got to work on language skills. Your grammar and jargon are simply awful!”

Hostages became negotiating assets, booty became procured trading goods.

The crew held a meeting, then keel-hauled the landlubber.

“Oh, sorry,” said George. “We’re terminating your contract through a barnacle-scrubbing maintenance operation. Is that better?”