George the rapper

George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.

The other pirates sang sea shanties.

George rapped. Badly.

And not just White Guy Badly.

Imagine Pat Boone rapping.

No, imagine Bob Hope rapping.

Cue cards and Alzheimers and that glassy, lost thousand-yard-stare.

Well, George was worse. Much worse.

“Yo, Scurvy Dog” was his first attempt at a song.

They smashed his boombox.

They threw his scratch turntables overboard.

They tried to string George up by his microphone cord so many times, he switched to a wireless one.

West Coast, East Coast, Barbary Coast. No crew would have him.