Gold Doesn't Work–Your Money Should

Gold is back in the headlines, but should it be in your portfolio? Don and Tom take a fresh (and frequently hilarious) look at the shiny metal that never seems to deliver. From Fort Knox to Costco’s gold bar rush, they trace gold’s lackluster long-term returns and its overhyped reputation as a hedge. They break down why physical gold fails as an investment, why GLD is better (but still meh), and why long-term investors might already have enough exposure through diversified funds. Plus: a Medicare premium surprise fix, the case of the copper penny, and a brief but loud murder of crows.

0:04 Gilded White House jokes lead into a serious look at gold

1:00 Don and Tom reunite—same page, same side, same skepticism on gold

1:57 Yahoo Finance: gold’s biggest quarter since 1986

2:34 Gold’s ancient history and the Second Boer War detour

3:48 What’s a hedge, really? Gold vs. inflation

4:21 15-year performance: gold vs. S&P 500

5:40 1980 to 2024: gold’s long climb back to break even

7:10 110 years of gold prices—brief spikes, long plateaus

8:54 The emotional allure of physical gold (and why it’s irrational)

9:44 Physical gold: storage, insurance, and Armageddon prep

11:10 GLD: a better, but still limited, gold investment

12:49 Gold’s chart pattern: flat, spike, crash, repeat

13:26 Why gold isn’t a real investment—it doesn’t grow

14:16 Gold mining stocks as an indirect investment

15:02 Surprise! Taiwan Semi uses gold in chip production

15:34 Crypto vs. gold: at least gold is pretty

16:07 Atomic number nerdiness and family science failures

16:39 Q&A: Will one-year income spike raise Part B premiums?

18:06 IRMAA form and exceptions for life-changing events

20:02 Medicare Part B premium ranges and adjustments

21:10 Listener Perry wonders: if pennies go away, can we melt them?

22:34 Today's pennies: mostly zinc, not a copper mine in your jar

23:56 Will the penny ever die? Bureaucratic inertia says no

24:14 DIY penny production? Just don’t.

25:16 Podcast etymology: Apple vs. The Guardian debate

26:51 Outro chaos: crows, jokes, and how to ask your questions

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