56: No Bang For Betelgeuse?

"Is Betelgeuse About To Explode?" — Forbes. "Is Betelgeuse On The Brink Of A Supernova?" — Washington Post. "Fading star heading for explosive end?" — The Guardian. Betelgeuse, the astoundingly big red star in Orion's armpit, is indeed acting weirdly, but astrophysics and Betteridge's Law both suggest the answer to the headline questions is "probably not today, no".