Give her the D (chord)

On the purported kinship between gay men, and straight women—the supposedly unifying experience of clucking and head-shaking at the antics of our men. Can’t live with ‘em, can’t live without ‘em, amirite? But what if there is no genuine solidarity there, because the pertinent fact is not whether you get with men, but whether you get to be a man? Whether, in fact, when you fall under the male gaze, he deems you fully human, or… not.

Things referenced in the episode:

Our continued parasocial relationship with Dan Savage, who makes a lot of claims that women act as they do around men because “They fear male violence” and why this misses this mark, and why it’s actually worse than that, and why even a gay man can’t understand that, because the gay bit is always subordinate to the man bit.

Kaitlin Prest’s brutal and excellent podcast series “No,” from 2017.

Christoph Hein’s 1982 novel The Distant Lover.

Marie Howe’s poem “Sixth Grade” from her book What the Living Do.

Jacqueline Novak’s comedy special Get On Your Knees