Air-to-Surface Attacks: My Natural No-Soliciting System

Bob the Blade-Living in the desert brings unexpected challenges and beauty, from stunning golden torch cactus blooms to the territorial behavior of morning doves that use my porch as their command center.

• Morning doves create major problems for solar panel owners by nesting underneath and covering them with conductive droppings
• Personal "security system" consists of three birds in my wicker chandelier that target solicitors with remarkable accuracy
• Amazon delivery drivers have developed special techniques to avoid bird attacks when delivering packages
• Experienced public embarrassment at Cracker Barrel when a veteran pointed out bird droppings in my hair
• Brief mention of upcoming episode that will detail a six-month drug binge story

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