Smarty Pants Lance
Need a break from all the blah, blah, blah, about politics, sports, and religion?
Smarty Pants Lance is for people who'd like well-crafted, observational humor. People who know laughter is the best medicine!
In each fast, funny, fifteen minute episode, Lance, a long-time criminal and civil trial lawyer- hold your applause- shares his unique point of view inspired by all manner of everyday, and not so everyday, topics.
Topics include, but are not limited to- who else but an attorney would use such a phrase- cat people versus dog people, college days, being an actor extra in a movie, commercial or TV show, personal styles, cheapskates, slobs versus neatniks, dating apps, things people say but don't mean, weekends, flakes, medical doctors, a-holes, airlines. looks, getting locked out, membership warehouse stores
You're invited to take a quick break, and enjoy a laugh, as Smarty Pants Lance weaves stories and descriptions containing a happy mixture of quirky experiences, nostalgia, pop-culture, history, topical humor, sarcasm, satire, celebrity impressions, and character voices.
New episodes Mondays and Thursdays at 8:00 am EST.
WARNING: Listening to Smarty Pants Lance may result in a laugh riot and you might just learn something.
- Update frequency
- every 5 days
- Average duration
- 14 minutes
- Episodes
- 32
- Years Active
- 2021 - 2023
Today's Music Sucks And So Did Disco Duck
Lance talks about today's pop and country music and why it sucks.
He opines it's a filtering issue. There's just no filter on what flushes down the internet stream.
There used to be record companies …
Sex Sells, Clickbait Yells.
Lance teases about clickbait, air-headed celebrity endorsements, how sex sells- well, duh- and why he keeps getting click bait on Meta- which he still calls Face Book- about a photo of side boob of s…
Lookin' For Work in All The Zoom Places.
Lance talks about employment interviews. He begins by telling us about work he did as a kid and for which he didn't apply. This work is known as, "chores." With marketing know-how, Lance suggests a …
Better Mousetrap
Lance builds a better mousetrap thinking that'll lead to great success. It's what he heard during his growin' up years.
Did building a better mousetrap help him get ahead in a government job? Hah, …
Somethin' Somethin Turned Nothin' Nothin'
Lance describes how his plans for not just a little, but a lot, of "somthin' somethin" turned into nothin' nothin over a four day weekend.
There was always some darned excuse: too tired from the week…
Happy New Year 2023- You Didn't Vote for Trump Did You!?
Lance talks about New Years. He tells us NYE means different things depending on your age. One thing that wasn't different for decades was Dick Clark on the tele and watching "The Ball" drop." What …
Christmas v. Hanukkah
Lance discusses Christmas versus Hanukkah.
At Sunday school he was told he must learn to think for himself. Except, when it came to religion, which is, as everyone knows, from "on high," and cannot …
Christmas Is For Drinking, Sort Of
With nine days before Christmas, Lance starts thinking about Christmas adult beverages.
This gets him thinking about adult beverages, in general. He's a nauseous, no on, "The Nog," and not a connoiss…
The Cookie Monster
Lance talks about Uber-- Uber annoying people (person) he got stuck behind at a booth selling luxury cookies at a local street fair.
He gets triggered by a woman holding others up at his favorite coo…
Strippers: Not Just a Stocking For Your Stuffer
And a 5,6,7,8-- Strippers: Not just a stocking for your stuffer.
No doubt, countless guys, and some gals, have fantasized about being with, or living with a stripper. Lance shares his experiences, l…
Thanksgiving: The Road Not Traveled
Lance says no thanks to the family Thanksgiving get together.
The travel, the expense, the lousy customer service, the no so "world-famous" dishes, the annoyingly secretive and braggadocious relative…
A Day On A Movie Set
Smarty Pants Lance takes you into the kitchen to share some of how movie are made. Ol' Smarty is from the south, don't ya know, and he comes a callin' to see where a co-worker is at.
His scene featur…
Who Do DMV Employees Look Down On?
Smarty Pants Lance holds a stethoscope up to Medical Assistants ("MA"). Since they've no brains, he didn't expect a pulse.
There are three kinds of medical assistants: dumb, dumber, and dumbest. Beco…
Quirky Courtroom Antics
Smarty Pants Lance was and is a licensed attorney at law in California. A large part of his legal practice was criminal defense. Beaver Clever sez: No foolin'!
In this episode, Lance describes quir…
Is The First Time The Best Time?
Smarty Pants Lance, inspired by the Foreigner song, "Feels Like The First Time," questions whether the first time the best time?
Introduced by The Duke himself, John Wayne, Lance tells the tale of h…
Do looks matter? How?
Smarty Pants Lance takes a look at a person's looks. Do looks matter? Do people look like their pets, cars, environments? What about a person's character? We've all known some "characters" haven't …
Smarty Pants Lance- Weekends
Smarty Pants Lance talks about the comings, goings, and doings of weekends. Is it true that everybody's working for the weekend, as the 80's band, Loverboy proclaimed. Are weekends made for Michelob…
The Cost in Costco
Smarty Pants Lance dons his visor and sleeve garter, grabs his adding machine, and totals up the cost in Costco and other discount membership warehouse stores.
Go right on in, have a look around, and…
Flakes!
Smarty Pants Lance talks about flakey people. They're not just on the Westcoast, anymore!
Why are people so darn flakey? It's not a new phenomenon. In the past, Lance has befallen victim by flakes …
Smarty Pants Lance- Mander T. Commander- A Shaggy Dog Story
In this, change-of-pace, episode, Smarty Pants Lance waxes sentimentally about his long ago and dearly departed rescue- a Husky mix- he named, Amanda or "Mander T. Commander."
Was it fate or coincid…