When You Reach Autonomy, You Get It: You’re Always a Winner

Hi. You’re listening to Shrink Me? I’m Just Waking Up.

I’m Dr. Lia Roth.

If your life looks good on paper, but something still feels off inside, this is for you.

Because some of us are tired of feeling confused. We’re done performing for applause. We’re thirsty for something real.

Today, we’re going into one of my favorite topics: shame.

Not the cute kind you see on social media. Not “Oops, I spilled coffee on my shirt.”

Nope, I’m talking about the shame that shaped you.

The kind that wrote the script you’ve been performing without even knowing it.

🔥 SHAME ISN’T SHYNESS

Let’s get one thing straight: shame isn’t embarrassment. It’s not being shy. It’s not “being too much” or “not enough.”

Shame is an ancient alert system. One of the earliest anxiety emotions we feel. Not because something bad happened, but because something in our body remembers the threat of disconnection.

That moment when we felt we didn’t belong.

Or worse, that we could be thrown out.

That’s why it shows up when you’re about to launch something, try something new, or say what you really think. It whispers: Are you sure? What if they don’t like it? What if you mess it up?

It’s not weakness.

It’s the body remembering risk.

👶 BIRTH IS THE ORIGINAL EXIT FROM THE COMFORT ZONE

Imagine this.

You’re in the womb. Floating. Warm. No gravity. No edges. You don’t shake, you bounce.

You don’t breathe air. You’re held in liquid.

And then… rupture.

Birth.

You’re pulled into dry air. Cold light. The weight of gravity. A crying mother. A screaming baby.

It’s violent. It’s real.

And from that moment, your body learns this:

The world is not always soft.

And you are not always safe.

Every time you move out of your comfort zone? Every time you say yes to something risky?

That first rupture echoes.

🚨 SHAME AS A BODY-BASED ALARM

So when you’re procrastinating on that project, or stuck reworking the same thing for the tenth time. That’s shame talking.

It’s not perfectionism.

It’s protection.

Shame says:

Wait. You’re not ready yet.

Let’s not risk exposure today. Maybe tomorrow.

But tomorrow becomes next week. Next week becomes never. And the life you want keeps slipping further out of reach.

📚 A STORY FROM HOME

My mom, God bless her, took me to so many school entrance exams. I was switching schools constantly. Always testing, always proving.

And you know what she said every time I looked scared? “You’re practicing.”

Not: You better pass.

Not: You have to be perfect.

Just: You’re practicing.

That stuck. You don’t need to win every time. You just need to try.

Trying is the win.

🏆 WHO REALLY WINS?

There’s this lie we’re sold, that only one person gets to be number one.

That everyone else? Losers.

No.

The only way you lose is if you let someone else treat you like one. The truth?

Everyone wins when they show up. When they try. When they move forward even without a map.

So maybe you didn’t get the gold.

But you gained something else: Practice. Courage. Experience. To risk it and, still, come through, and learning that life goes on. That’s a different kind of medal.

🧠 AUTONOMY IS THE VACCINE

When you stop needing applause to move,

When you stop waiting for permission,

When you stop shaping your whole self just to fit in…

That’s autonomy.

And autonomy is the best damn vaccine against shame, betrayal, and emotional chaos.

Because now, you’re not performing.

You’re not playing a role.

You’re not trying to be the person they want.

You’re being you.

Messy, trying, learning, risking.

And still standing.

📖 A NOTE FROM THE NEXT BOOK

In Not Anymore, my upcoming book, I talk about the trap of the script.

The one shame wrote for you. You needed it to survive, and it kept you safe for a while. But now? It’s a cage… And the door is open, just for you. Ready to step in?