I was writing in my journal on Friday, reflecting on how I can become better. Specifically I noticed that I wasn’t being very patient, gentle, or kind with my family. (I wasn’t being unkind, I just wasn’t actively being kind.)
My first thought was that I needed to step these things up a notch, and in a flash of thought I wrote down the words “SUPERIOR EXPERIENCE” – I don’t want my family to have a kind, or patient, or gentle husband and dad. I want to give my family a SUPERIOR EXPERIENCE. Something above the norm, above the expected.
I realize that I can give that to them. Not just going through the motions of life and doing what I’m supposed to, but to be actively engaged in giving them that experience.
How can I make their lives better as a result of my being on this earth?
I asked my journal, “how do I do that? How can I create this superior experience.”
And as I often do, I heard the voice of Jim Rohn in my head saying, “wherever you are, BE THERE!” being there, being in the moment.
And that is how I intend to give my family a superior experience. Because I realized the key to everything, really. The key to unlocking all of this is ATTENTION.
So it’s not just patience, but attention + patience
Not just kindness, but attention + kindness
Not just gentleness, but attention + gentleness.
You can take any quality that you want to have, and add attentiveness to it, and you will multiply the result enormously, and create a superior experience for anyone you come in contact with.
We all know that we live in a world that is constantly fighting for our attention. And it’s hard to break away from all of that and actually give that attention to someone else – but that is the mark of someone who will provide a superior experience. When you take the time to give your full attention to someone, you are saying “You are important, you mean something to me, you are valuable, and I care about what is going on right here, right now.”
Now, patience probably originally meant attentive patience, but we’ve dropped that meaning and watered down the word. Now, all I have to do to exhibit this new kind of patience is this: when someone is being annoying or irritating, if I don’t express my own annoyance or irritation, that’s considered being patient. I don’t think that is genuine patience.
Patience isn’t the struggle against saying something, it’s not the virtue of holding in what you really feel. That’s not it. This allows you to pat yourself on the back, and congratulate yourself – but why see yourself as some kind of a noble victim when you can be so much more. When you can ask yourself – WHY DOES THIS IRRITATE ME? WHY DOES THIS BOTHER ME SO MUCH? WHY IS MY MIND REACTING THE WAY IT IS?
And I’ve found the cure – a cure so counterintuitive that I’ve never heard it anywhere before. Being attentive and in the moment – truly giving your attention to whatever is annoying you – that is what will dispel your irritation.
And it makes sense. You see, our attention is always being pulled towards what we decide we want. And we get irritated when something or someone starts pulling attention away from what we want. But as soon as we willingly shift our focus to the annoying things, then that is our new focus – since it’s not pulling attention away from ourselves anymore,
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