How Do You Raise a Boy When You Don’t Trust Men?

We dive headfirst into the contradictions and complexities of what it means to raise boys as a lesbian couple… especially when men have caused us so much harm?

Aiwan opens with a striking reflection on The Tin Men, a social media account that toes the line between thoughtful masculinity and, at times, men’s rights rhetoric. From there, she shares more about her own desire for a son, the question of if and how our son would need male role models in their life, and the impacts of growing up in a single parent home without a father figure. 

Tamanda builds on this by exploring her own ambivalence about having a son… Admittedly one rooted in a deep mistrust of men, trauma, and jokes that land a little too close to home: “Despite having the most amazing father… I’m basically a misandrist!”

Together, we unpack what happens when women and queer people are expected to raise emotionally literate boys in a system that still rewards domination, silence, and shame. From incel culture and men’s rights memes, to educational programmes for girls and boys in school and Roxy Longworth’s Behind Our Screens campaign, we ask: what are we passing on - and what’s the cost?

In this episode:

• What if you’re too angry at men to raise a boy with love? …Tamanda on imagining life with a son, and why it fills her with dread
• Aiwan on The Tin Men, absent fathers, and whether our boychild would really need male role models
• What makes incel culture so seductive for some young boys
• Feminist parenting: idealistic dream, impossible task, or both?
• What Tamanda learned from Plan International, The Great Initiative and Fearless Futures' school-based attempts to change the narrative
• Deep insights from the powerful youth-led Behind Our Screens campaign, including the role of online harm in shaping boys’ values and girls’ experiences
• Reflections on a conversation with Dr Jenessa Williams who’s done powerful work to understand the attitudes of boys at the intersection of music and metoo 
• Why healing our own father wounds and trauma from gender based violence might be part of the work.

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