Episode 87: Is It Worth Starting the Healing Process If You’re Not Sure You Want to Stay After Infidelity?

You don’t need to have all the answers to begin healing.

In this powerful and compassionate episode of Relationships Uncomplicated, Idit Sharoni, LMFT, is joined by Program Specialist and therapist Alana Tokayer, LMFT, to answer a question many hurt partners silently ask:

“Is it even worth starting the healing process if I’m not sure I want to stay?”

We explore why uncertainty is a completely normal—and expected—part of the aftermath of infidelity, and how beginning the healing process can actually lead to the clarity so many partners are searching for.

• 00:02 – Why uncertainty after infidelity is normal Idit introduces the topic and explains how common it is for hurt partners to question whether healing is worth it when they’re unsure about staying.

• 04:24 – The emotional duality of betrayal Alana describes the emotional seesaw many hurt partners experience—feeling both deep pain and lingering love—and why that doesn't mean something is wrong with you.

• 08:20 – Why you don’t need to decide before you begin Idit explains how healing often leads to clarity, and that deciding to stay is not a requirement to start the recovery process.

• 14:40 – How healing helps clarify what’s possible Alana shares the metaphor of the fogged-up window and how clarity emerges from experience—not from overthinking or pressure.

• 22:25 – The difference between being remorseful and acting remorseful Idit outlines what true remorse looks like and how an unfaithful partner can appear unremorseful even if they feel regret.

• Why feeling unsure is normal and human after betrayal

• The emotional duality of still loving someone who hurt you

• Why you don’t need to decide whether to stay before beginning healing

• What leads to real clarity (hint: not overthinking!)

• How unfaithful partners can act remorseful, not just feel remorse

• Why trust is not a requirement to begin healing—it’s the result of the process

• Tips for couples sitting in the “gray zone” of uncertainty

Alana shares a moving story of a client named Jenna (name changed), who was completely stuck on the question of whether to stay or go. Through the healing process, without pressure, she found the clarity she was searching for—not all at once, but step by step.

1. Feeling uncertain about staying after infidelity is completely normal.

2. You don’t need to decide before you begin—healing can be the pathway to clarity.

3. Trust and remorse can grow with the right support and guidance.

4. You’re allowed to hold the question and begin healing at the same time.

• Set a short-term healing intention (2–3 months of guided work)

• Find expert help trained in infidelity recovery

• Build a safe, small support system

• Be patient and kind with yourself—you’re not supposed to know everything right now

It’s Okay To Stay – Idit Sharoni’s complete infidelity recovery coaching program for couples who want to rebuild trust and heal after betrayal.

📆 Book your FREE 45-minute consultation to see if this program is right for you: 👉 iditsharoni.com/45

• Learn more about the Infidelity Recovery Program: iditsharoni.com

• Book your consultation with a program specialist: iditsharoni.com/45

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