How to Work On Unhealthy Guilt & Shame - Boundaries & Vulnerability

Shame & guilt feel like a part of who you are as a person, but thats a lie. It just feels that way because we allow these mindsets to run the show. Here are 8 tips to work on minimizing these dominate thought patterns.

Show Notes:
In the previous episode we talked about the differences between guilt & shame & learned there is healthy guilt & unhealthy guilt. So naturally, I didn’t want to leave you hanging with only knowledge on how to identify all three of these, so today we are going to talk about how we can work on cutting back unhealthy guilt & shame.

Shame & guilt feel like issues that would be difficult to deal with because it just feels like a natural thing we have in us. Something native to who we are & not something we can just easily rid ourselves from. And I’ll be honest, it probably won’t be easy. It will take time & emotional work, but it can be done. And just know it’s a not a one and done thing. More often than not you’ll be continually working on it for the foreseeable future.

So let’s talk about unhealthy guilt first.

Unhealthy guilt is when you feel bad for things that didn’t happen, didn’t affect others like you think it did or things outside of your control. Doesn’t it sound silly to admit that we can feel bad about things that happen knowing these were outside of our control?? It boggles my mind, despite me knowing I do this, too. But it’s easy to get caught-up in unhealthy guilt, especially if you tend to people please.

Here are 4 ways to work through unhealthy guilt:

1. Find Evidence that YOU Did Something Wrong (hint: you probably won’t find it) 
2. Work on Personal Boundaries 
3. Allow Yourself to Learn from Negative Experiences 
4. Don’t Get Stuck in Negative Self-Talk Without Self-Compassion 

Now for shame.

As we know, shame is when we truly believe, down to our core, that we are not worthy of anything, don’t have the ability to become better people & you only see yourself in a negative light. Shame can be so ingrained that it doesn’t seem like something we need to fix, rather something we need to embrace because it’s apart of us.

Here are 4 ways to work through shame:

1. Identify Where the Shame Came From 
2. Separate Who You Are from What You Do 
3. Deep Dive into Self-Compassion
4. Practice Being Vulnerable with Someone Safe 

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