How to Improve Relationships - Relationships Need Work Not Pain

Sometimes we think we are doing the work to better our relationships but actually are creating more burdens for us to bear to not get out of having honest conversations with our people. Here are some ways we are & aren't doing the work.

Show Notes:
I started all of the relationships I was in as a people pleaser. This meant that I would always be catering to what their needs were, taking the blame for anything going wrong and never even sharing my needs, but just accepting whatever attitude, abuse or attention I would get. It’s nice to say now that I know this isn’t the way to be in relationships, romantic or not, but it still hurts to think about what how I let myself be taken for granted & not appreciated as much as I should have been. And I’m not saying it was all the fault of the person I was with because it is definitely my fault that I didn’t stand up for myself or attempt to instigate any change. 

Being a people pleaser or just allowing someone to treat you a certain way is not only their fault. You have to take the responsibility of at least trying to get changes to happen. If you don’t, you’re allowing yourself to be a victim. But if you have tried to do something about the way people treat you and nothing changes, that’s a whole different situation.

I’m sure you’re familiar with the idea that relationships take work. You gotta put in the time, energy & willingness to communicate with each other and figure out whatever it is. But I think a lot of people don’t realize that putting in work is different than taking abuse & being pushed around.

When you put in the work in a relationship, you are doing what you believe will help you get on the same page, understand each other better & minimize any fights/disagreements that lead to larger blowouts & hurt feelings. But again, we need to be aware of what doing the work actually looks like & what someone that is more controlling & manipulative would see as YOU doing work but it’s really hurtful, not helpful & abusive.

Today I want to share with you examples of what it looks like to put work into a relationship and what it looks like when you’re just being abused.

Here are 5 examples of what putting work into a relationship is NOT:

1. Trying to change the other person.
2. Walking on eggshells.
3. Tolerating dishonesty.
4. Allowing them to be disrespectful.
5. Having your boundaries crossed regularly.

Here are 5 examples of what putting work into a relationship IS:

1. Working on your triggers.
2. Practicing patience & being kind.
3. Learning to compromise.
4. Communicating your needs.
5. Asking for help.

Thank you so much for listening!! You're amazing!!

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