What to Do When "They" Don't Support You

“If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.” - African proverb

Humans in general are wired for relationships, and women in particular tend to define our happiness by the quality of our relationships.

According to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, our need to feel loved and belong comes before our need for esteem and self-actualization. In other words, it’s hard to achieve your full potential if you don’t feel supported.

What do you do when the people you love most don’t support your God-given purpose?

1. First, ask yourself who is the “they” that’s not supporting you? Be honest. Many people get distracted when strangers don’t support them, even though the people who matter most are supportive.
2. Next, make sure you’re seeing the situation clearly. Sometimes our loved ones have good reasons for being skeptical about our choices.
   • Take a self-inventory of your actions here. Have you bounced from one idea to another without much follow through?
   • If you’ve been inconsistent, you need to offer clear, quantifiable results in order to win over doubters.
   • For example, if your husband doubts your ability to start a business, you may want to find a way to bootstrap it until you earn an income. Once you’re actually making money, he’s much more likely to support you.
3. Make sure you’re being realistic in your definition of “support.” For example, just because you open a business doesn’t mean your family and friends have to (or even should) buy from you. Many people experience unnecessary hurt when they had unrealistic expectations of their loved ones in the first place.
4. If your loved ones truly are being toxic, you need to create a new support system. A few places to start:
   • Your church (small groups are a great place for mentorship and encouragement)
   • Local organizations that mirror your interests (i.e., entrepreneurship clubs if you’re starting a business)
   • Online forums, especially Facebook groups

Action Step: Take 30 minutes to create a list of 5 people in your life who currently support your life choices. If you can't come up with 5 people, use the suggestions listed above to help you meet people who can potentially become your new support system.

References:

https://www.simplypsychology.org/maslow.html