Nightly News Roundup for Aug. 5, 2025

Congress is jerking off to the Epstein files, New York just got defunded on terror protection, and California’s drawing maps with the subtlety of a prison riot. The FDA says “good luck not dying” while outsourcing food safety to states running on bake sale budgets. Trump’s resurrecting racist statues and calling it beautification, wildfires are roasting the continent like a cheap brisket, and a Nebraska town hall just turned into a mosh pit over Medicaid cuts.

Theo Jesterfield here, coughing through the smoke, dodging subpoenas, and watching democracy collapse under PowerPoint slides and Confederate cosplay.

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